That's What You Call A Near Miss!
ChatterBank1 min ago
Law
A motorist was on trial for hitting a pedestrian.
His lawyer argued, "Your Honour, my client has been driving for over twenty-five years."
"Your Honour," the plaintiff's lawyer retorted, "if this case is going to be judged by experience, may I remind you that my client has been walking for over sixty years!"
A woman was suing a man for defamation of character, charging that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined.
After the trial, he asked the Judge, "Does this mean that I can't call Miss Stuart a pig?"
The Judge said that was accurate.
"Does this also mean that I can't call a pig 'Miss Stuart'?" the man asked.
The Judge told the man that he could indeed call a pig 'Miss Stuart' with no fear of legal action.
The man then looked Miss Stuart directly in the eye and said, "Good afternoon, Miss Stuart!"
After a trial had been going on for three days, Harrison, the man accused of committing the crimes, stood up and approached the judge's bench.
"Your Honour, I would like to change my plea from innocent to guilty of the charges."
The judge angrily banged his fist on the desk. "If you're guilty, why didn't you say so in the first place and save this court a lot of time and inconvenience?" he demanded.
Harrison looked up wide-eyed and stated, "Well, when the trial started I thought I was innocent, but that was before I heard all the evidence against me."
His lawyer argued, "Your Honour, my client has been driving for over twenty-five years."
"Your Honour," the plaintiff's lawyer retorted, "if this case is going to be judged by experience, may I remind you that my client has been walking for over sixty years!"
A woman was suing a man for defamation of character, charging that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined.
After the trial, he asked the Judge, "Does this mean that I can't call Miss Stuart a pig?"
The Judge said that was accurate.
"Does this also mean that I can't call a pig 'Miss Stuart'?" the man asked.
The Judge told the man that he could indeed call a pig 'Miss Stuart' with no fear of legal action.
The man then looked Miss Stuart directly in the eye and said, "Good afternoon, Miss Stuart!"
After a trial had been going on for three days, Harrison, the man accused of committing the crimes, stood up and approached the judge's bench.
"Your Honour, I would like to change my plea from innocent to guilty of the charges."
The judge angrily banged his fist on the desk. "If you're guilty, why didn't you say so in the first place and save this court a lot of time and inconvenience?" he demanded.
Harrison looked up wide-eyed and stated, "Well, when the trial started I thought I was innocent, but that was before I heard all the evidence against me."
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