Police
The murderer was holed up in his house, and the police team was trying to get him out.
A policeman got on the loud hailer and said, "Come on out, or I'm going to come in there and drag you out!"
The murderer called back, "I'm warning you. If you don't wipe your feet when you come in, my wife'll kill us both!"
A woman saw an ad in the local newspaper which read: "Purebred Police Dog £25."
Thinking that to be a great bargain, she called and ordered the dog to be delivered.
The next day a van arrived at her home and delivered the mangiest-looking mongrel she had ever seen.
In a rage, she telephoned the man who had placed the ad, "How dare you call that mangy-mutt a purebred police dog?"
"Don't let his looks deceive you,” the man replied, "He's in the Secret Service."
A young man was in the process of taking a verbal exam to join the local police force.
"If you're driving a police car, alone on a country road at night, and are being chased by a group of criminals driving sixty miles an hour, what would you do?" he was asked.
Without hesitation, the young man replied, "Seventy!"