Good Jokes

[emmie]

can we have a thread on them please.

[emmie]

two men sitting in a bar, one says
to the other, you're round, the other says, so
are you, you fat bstard.

[marval]

I went to the doctor and asked if he could give me something for persistent wind.

He gave me a kite.

[emmie]

v good, any more,

[marval]

'I am suffering a mole problem.

He gives out confidential information to other gardeners'

[jno]

War Horse walks into a bar; the barman says "Why the long movie?"

[DTCwordfan]

Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens? All they said was, “Bach, Bach, Bach …”

And his cows preferred Moo-zak.

[elliemay1]

Mother: What did you learn in school today
Son: How to write.
Mother: What did you write?
Son: I don't know, they haven't taught us how to read yet!

[elliemay1]

The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes. So the one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door."
So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?"
"Blind man!"
The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. What could it hurt." They let him in.
The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice ***. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"

[marval]

What do you call a Chinese person with a video camera?
Phil Ming

[aelmpvw]

patient to psychiatrist 'doctor, i keep thinking i'm a dog'
doctor 'just hope on to this couch for a minute'
patient 'i'm not allowed on the furniture'

[Patsy33]

Mother: "How was school today, Patrick?"

Patrick: "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!"

Mother: "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?"
Patrick. "What school?"

[marval]

What's the difference between a Kangaroo and a Kangaroot?

One's a kangaroo and one's a Geordie stuck in a lift.