Trouble Sleeping

[Chipchopper]

I told my doctor, I've been having trouble getting off to sleep at night.
.
.
He said: "Move over to the edge of the bed and you should soon drop off"

[elliemay1]

The old ones are the best!
I told my doctor that I felt like a pair of curtains. He said, 'Go home and pull yourself together.'

[Tilly2]

Me: Doctor, everytime I drink a mug of coffee, I get a terrible pain in my eye.
Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug.

[marval]

A guy goes to the doctor.

"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home."

"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."

"Is it common?"

"It's not unusual."

[Berniecuddles2]

Doctor " I've got some bad news and some very bad news"
"OMG I said tell me"
Doctor "you've only got 24 hrs to live"
"Oh no" I said ..what's the very bad news then.
Doctor "I couldn't get in touch with you yesterday "!