Hare Today

[Bazile]

I was walking down the street the other day with my kid when he asked -
'' dad - what's that ?'' - pointing to a parade of rabbits hopping backwards

''That's just a receding hairline'' , I replied

[Ken4155]

My ex-wife once said, accusingly, "You have a blonde hair on the arm of your shirt." "It's a white rabbit," i said, "they look like hares from a distance."

[vulcan42]

I was talking to an RAF sergeant once when an airman said "look at all the rabbits". The sergeant quickly replied " rabbits? on a Hare field?"

[Ken4155]

^
He then ordered a couple of low ranking ground crew to catch the rabbits. "How do we do that, Sarge?" asked one. "Lie in that field and make a noise like a lettuce." he replied.

[Bazile]

I was at the airport the other day when i saw a group of rabbits sprinting past me .
I grabbed one of them and asked - ''why are you in such a rush'' .

''We're trying to catch our hareplane , before it leaves '' - he replied

[Stephen_G]

Did you hear about the Magician who got tired of pulling a Rabbit out of a Hat? He pulled a hair out of his a**e instead!

[Ken4155]

So, with the 2nd day of the Photography Course at RAF Cosford over with, there i was, pointing Percy at the porcelain when in walked 2 Airy Fairies, muttering something about rabbits. I zipped up and made to leave when one of them said; "Oi, soldier boy, you disgusting Oik! In the RAF we are taught to wash our hands after urinating." Looking him square in the eyes, i replied, "Really. Well, in the Army, we are taught not to *** on our hands in the first place."

[Ken4155]

**** rhymes with hiss and was spelt with 2 number 5s hoping it would carry. Joke ruined :-(

[Bazile]

//..there i was, pointing Percy at the porcelain..//

Ken - lol - i've not heard that expression before - lol

[jno]

It was invented by Barry Humphries when he was writing the Barry McKenzie strip for Priavte Eye. It was meant to sound Australian.

[Bazile]

jno

in an aussie accent is even more funny

[Jackdaw33]

I think it predates Humphries. I distinctly remember it from my RAF days in the late 60s.

[Chipchopper]

Baz, Is that a Kenny Leveret joke !

[Patsy33]

Just seen a large rabbit levitating. It was hare-raising!

[Bazile]

//Baz, Is that a Kenny Leveret joke !//

Well chip , i'll put bunny on it, that a lot of comedians have laid claim to it

[marval]

A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road and got out to see what had become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit was dead. The driver felt so awful he began to cry.

A woman driving down the highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.

"I feel terrible," he explained. "I accidently hit this rabbit and killed it."

The woman told the man not to worry. She knew what to do. She went to her car trunk and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead rabbit, and sprayed the contents of the can onto the rabbit. Miraculously, the rabbit came to life, jumped up, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped down the road. 50 feet away the rabbit stopped, turned around, waved at the two again, hopped down the road another 50 feet, turned, waved, and hopped another 50 feet. The man was astonished. He couldn't figure out what substance could be in the woman's spray can! He ran over to the woman and demanded, " What was in your spray can? What did you spray onto that rabbit?" The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said:

"'Hare Spray' Restores Life to Dead Hare. Adds Permanent Wave."

[jno]

Jackdaw, Barry McKenzie goes back to 1964. Humphries goes back to the 1950s, though not in Britain.