Medley
My shoplifting friend (mentioned in my previous joke) is at it again, targeting the Disney shop this time. Security let her walk out unhindered, they thought she was just taking the Mickey.
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While on the subject, Donald Duck and Minnie Mouse are getting friendly in the Disney hotel when Donald realises he's left his condoms in the car so he rings down to reception and asks them to send a packet to his room.
The receptionist asks, "Would you like me to put this on your bill, sir?"
Donald replies, "Certainly not, what sort of pervert do you think I am?"
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The government's plan to reopen theatres in time for Christmas Pantomimes has been announced, and given the codename 'Operation Sleeping Beauty'. An appropriate choice, given that the Fairy Tale's plot is about how one careless prick can lead to the whole place being shut down for a century.
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Apparently Napoleon didn't design his own coat, but he did have a hand in it.