My girlfriend says I don't satisfy her anymore...
Probably because I'm a man, not a cake shop!
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I was shocked at price of those Ancestry DNA kits, so rather than spend £150, I just announced that I had won the lottery...
Suddenly I now know who all my relatives are.
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My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I gave her some superglue instead...
She's still not talking to me!
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I asked my wife to tell me when she has an orgasm...
She said she doesn't like to call me when I'm at work!
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