pseudonym No 2

[mr. piper]

has anyone got any more polite or irreverrant alternative phrases for going to the toilet, i once had a book with a list of victorian ones that were acceptable in polite company, but i like humerous and topical ones.

how about" dropping the kids off at the pool", "laying a cable", "releasing a brown trout"," going for a forest", "a pony", "a jimmy smitt", "a number two"," cut off a loaf","dropping my clod".

any offers?

[smudge]

When in Australia, they referred to it as:

'Strangling a Darkie'!

Apparently, it's not meant as racial, but it's still not very nice is it?

[smudge]

Just going to powder my nose!

[andy hughes]

Parking your breakfast.

[Xollob]

I've had plenty of exposure to Americans over the years - on both sides of the pond - but I still find the expression "go to the bathroom" somewhat bizarre, especially in the context of "the dog's gone to the bathroom - on the carpet".

I prefer the honesty of a colleague of mine who, on emerging from the office "bathroom", invariably and with a deep sense of satisfaction procaims "this time tomorrow that'll be a shipping hazzard".

[rod]

I remember when I was working in a mansion near Winchester one of the children saying �I�m off to granny�s greenhouse to sit on the doughnut�. The chap I was working with was from up north he said �I think she�s going for a cr@p� I just fell about laughing.

[smudge]

There's nothing like toilet humour to brighten up the day!

Xollop - reminded me of someone once calling out: "You'd better warn the Coastguard at Southend, to let them know it's on its way!"

Also, my husband & I were standing at a bar once, when this pretty young girl quietly asked the bar-maid, "Have you got a toilet roll please". The bar-maid replied "Yes love" & passed one over. As the young girl shyly walked away, a fella standing near us called out "What ya going for a sh!t then love?" The poor girl was mortified & scurried along to the loo - poor thing.

[JOEYSHABADO]

"Going to see a man about a dog".

[JOEYSHABADO]

Borat: "I had a nice sh**."

[smudge]

I don't normally join in with this kind of thread, but we all 'do it' don't we?

[Kay]

Off to make some chocolate sausages.

[JOEYSHABADO]

A lot of people talking **** on this post. :o)

[JOEYSHABADO]

Smudge, a friend of mine had problem speaking in public, it was part of his job, but nerves crippled him. Once he figured out a solution, he had no problems with nerves at all!

Solution? Imagine everyone in the room sitting on the toilet. They seem less frightening then! Seems there are other metaphors based on this idea, to convey the idea of people who think of themselves as 'better than everyone'. But I won't repeat them.

[JOEYSHABADO]

What would you actually say if you WERE going to see a man about a dog?

[silly moo]

My other half 'downloads his laptop'.
Followed by ' the bathroom is out of bounds for a while'
Nice man.

[Sequin]

Go to http://www.viz.co.uk/ and work your way through Roger's Profannisaurus - there are thousands of euphemisms there

[Grunty]

A Cockney friend who spoke in rhymes used to talk about going for a pony.  I seem to remember one of David Jason's characters talking about a two bob bit.  (Younger members will have to ask their grannies about that one).

[salguod1953]

My giddy aunt minister   I must be off for a "Diet Sprite" . . . works for me everytime

[RevShirls]

The expression I like and use when I am in polite company is "You'll have to excuse me. I feel a prayer coming on" (I think this phrase was coined by the late Scottish comedian Rikki Fulton in his role as the Reverened I. M. Jollie)

[delboy3]

log-out, squeeze my head, Eartha Kitt, depth charge...