How do i get tough??

[jibjab]

How do i get tough?? i maen mentally tough and have the ability to NOT TAKLE SH1T???

i take it at work, off my girlfriend and i just will not stand up to people...

I need to learn how to doi this before it is too late!!!

For example, my girlfriend never lets me out, i shouldnt even have to ASK should i??? i am always ASKING for things politely and never TELLING PEOPLE WHAT I WANT

[donegal]

today is the day

after work go to the pub and turn off ur phone so ur girlfriend will not be able to ring u, then walk down the street wit ur head in the air and look like u dont give two f**ks. Think of the video for The Verve ''Bittersweet Sypmhony''

Good luck!

[treacle84]

donegal is right, go out tonight for a drink with your mates and when she asks where you have been just tell her. If she has a problem explain that by her keeping you under lock and key she is pushing you away. I love a guy who can go out and have a few drinks with his mates. You've gotta have your own space so you can appreciate the time you spend together x good luck!

[B00]

Whilst I agree with both of the above brilliant answers, personally I'd phone your girlfriend on the way to the pub, telling her what you're doing (possibly not wise telling her WHERE you're going- heh!) Then switch your phone off.

I think that the problem with not letting her know is that it will give her more ammo for the hell she's going to give you when you do eventually meander your way home.

Good luck:-)

[Englishbird]

good advice from Boo, if you want respect you still have to show it to others, then they have nothing to throw back at you.

It is very important that in order to gain the control you want, you don't go hell for leather and start being the complete opposite to what you are now. I had a friend who did this, and she basically became a bitch and is now very lonely!

What you have to do is be yourself, is have the confidence to say no (not shout it) and to know that just because you're not doing what everyone wants, the world is not going to stop turning.

I do understand because I've been there myself. It's really about finding self confidence and getting what you want, whilst being a nice person. Once you start saying no, it becomes a lot easier! Your girlfriend may have control issues (that sounds so american!) that she may have to deal with.

Be Firm but Fair. It's not as hard as it feels right now. Good luck x

[nancie]

u shouldn't have to tell anyone wat ure doing, ure not 5 years old. Sounds like you might be defensive, if people ask you whats up dont tell them nuthin..do your own thing, whatever makes u happy. She's only like that because you let her be..sounds like she is insecure and not confident coz if she were she wouldn't mind you going out. Im sure she loves you but you need to make it clear that you got a life and your not going to waste it on the sofa.

of course if you want something you should ask for it, such as a physical item, but stuff like going out and doing things etc..if you live with her just tell her what you are doing, going and what time you might be back and just go..if you dont live with her than just go...youre not a wet blanket ok?

And for work..DONT TAKE IT!! do what you need to do and thats it..dont do anyone elses work and look people in the eye when talking to the..exert your athourity and speak with force, learn to say no and not feel guilty and tell people to leave you alone when you are busy..simple as. Oh, and go on an assertiveness course lol.

[littlemissx]

really dont mean to be funny but i have been coming on here a good 6 plus months now and you are still posting near enough the exact same questions... why not look back over some previous responses and try them... you are only getting the same replies over and over

[Englishbird]

what area are you in? And I don't think they'd be free.

[laurence2]

jibjab, you are being used as a Doormat, and the likes of your girlfriend amongst others is taking advantage of this.

What you have to say to yourself is, how much s**t do you want to take before ''enough is enough''.

I agree with most post hear, it would be interesting to see the reaction of your girlfriend when you come home half cut, that will show her true colours

You do seem to lack confidence, and being under lock and key 24/7 ain't helping, get out more and your find your true self sooner than what you think.

[searchme]

jibjab- take a more positive look at your lack of assertiveness and abject humility.If you continue to do precisely as you are told,you will live a blissful life devoid of the distasteful need to think for yourself.

You are a child of the universe ,you have a right to be here.

Now,put the kettle on and make it snappy!

[Englishbird]

Try this

http://www.underoak.co.uk/Home/Public-Personal-Skills-Training-Courses/Assertiveness-Skills.htm

Or Google ' assertiveness course north wales' or something like that, it's then a case of trawling through them.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but it's your decision as to whether or not you're going to stop being a victim. They can cost around �150 for a day, but if it is going to significantly change your life, i'd say it was worth it.

Also remember that everyone who goes on one of those courses is going to find it incredibly tough and they'll all be sh*t scared. So just go for it, what do you have to lose?

[rugeleyboy]

i agree with littlemissx, you posted this a few weeks ago,and got near enough the same answers,you can keep asking the question but the problem will remain until YOU change it!!

have you thought of hypnotherapy to boost confidence?

cost about �30-100 and is good if you get the right person. ask to see how they practice first, if you cant relax there dont have it!!

[snook]

Geoff Thompson was a wimp, scared of his own shadow. He took up karate but quit for various reasons (amongst them, terrified of getting beat up). Eventually he got sick of it and decided to take the bull by the horns and took a job on the door of a nightclub. He faced his biggest fear, and bit by bit overcame it. You should read his first book, "Watch My Back", it's amazing, and inspiring (you'll find it in the library, that's where I came across it). He was on the door ten years and never lost a fight. He dealt with some mean, nasty individuals and many times felt like walking away, but he never did.

Then someone suggested he should write about his experiences. He took off, scribbling the book I just mentioned while sitting on the bog at work, and eventually got it published. His life changed completely because he faced fear and did it anyway. He had no idea he could write, til he tried.

He's published dozens of books now, and produced instructional videos (he went back to martial arts and gained about half-a-dozen black belts), and he's written plays and had at least one film produced (or it's still in production, not sure).

One of his books you'd benefit from is called "Fear, the Friend of Exceptional People". In it you'll read interviews with bouncers, soldiers, SAS men, boxers, bodyguards, etc. Every one of them admits freely that they feel fear. The difference between them and most people is that they harness it, and make it work for them, not against them.

Don't be ruled by fear, or timidity. Get a grip and decide right now to do what you need to do, no excuses. You can do it. It's only a matter of if you dare...

[rugeleyboy]

great answer snook, i will look out for that book!

[Englishbird]

snook, i'd give you a dozen stars if I could. excellent answer.

[Englishbird]

So come on Jibjab, what say you?