favourite joke's

[rugeleyboy]

come on ABers,i am doing a poll on the AB's favourite jokes!!

[lankeela]

Man walking down the road with one shoe one. What's the matter mate, lost a shoe? No, just found one!

[lankeela]

Sorry should have read 'one shoe on' - what a plonker!

[Clanad]

A Mr. Jones was sued by a Mrs. Johnson for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. Mr. Jones was indeed found guilty and fined.

After the trial he asked the judge, "Your Honor, this means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?"

The judge said that was true.

"Does this mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked.

The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig 'Mrs. Johnson' with no fear of legal action.

Mr. Jones grinned, looked directly at Mrs. Johnson and said, "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson"...

[mightyWBA]

Paul mcartney got his wife a plane for Christmas......,

and a Lady shave for the other leg!

Boom Boom!

[suitsUsir]

Little boy: "Mummy, is it bad to have a willy?". Mum: "Of course not, why do you ask". "Because Daddy`s upstairs trying to pull his off"

[DesperateDan]

Young schoolmistress say to class "Right, now what is the new four-syllable word that I asked you to learn" - to which Jonny replies "MASTURBATION, miss". "My" says teacher "That`s a bit of a mouthful" "No" says Johnny - "You`re thinking of a ****-***"

[Bizziebod]

A cannibal was crying his eyes out sat on the side of the road next to a pile of poo, two passers by walked by and asked the tearful cannibal why he was crying - he said I just dumped my girlfriend!!!

[DesperateDan]

**** *** BIow job. Why don`t it tell you it`s censored BEFORE you post

[curiosity]

Two women looking in Debenhams window at the dresses, one points and says "that's the one I'd get" and a cyclops jumps out and punches her.

[Alee Gee]

A young blonde comes home from school, and asks her mother. "Is it true what Gemma just told me - that babies come out of the same place where boys put their thingies?". "Yes dear", replied her mum, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn`t have to explain it. "But then when I have a baby, won`t it knock my teeth out?"

[curiosity]

A woman walks up to the bar and says "a double entendre please" and the barman replies "Sit there and I'll give you one in a minute"

[funkymoped]

boss has to lay off jack or anne.

anne walks into his office and he says to her

"ive got to lay you or jack off."

anne answers "better jack off, ive got a headache"

[bernardo]

What's the difference between a duck?
One of its legs is both the same!

[robbo82]

Did you hear the one about the short-sighted circumciser?

He got the sack.

[chimney]

Why are pirates called pirates?

Because they arrrrrrr!

[Lonnie]

There was once a religious woman who went to confassion, upon entering the confessional, she said 'forgive me father, for I have sinned'.

[Lonnie]

Sorry, pressed submit by mistake, i'll put it up[ later.

[Big Al1st]

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do
whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

[smudge]

An email I rec'd yesterday:

A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around the hospital when during her tour, she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furiously.

"Oh my GOD!!" screamed the woman, "That's disgraceful!!! Why is he doing that?"

The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained, "I'm very sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he doesn't do that at least 5 times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily rupture".

"Oh well, in that case, I guess it's ok." commented the woman.

In the very next room, a male patient was lying in bed and it was obvious that a nurse was performing oral sex on him. Again, the woman screamed, "Oh my GOD!! How can THAT be justified?"

Again the doctor spoke very calmly, "Same illness but he's with Bupa"

[sithlord]

A doctor says to a patient in hospital, ''I've got some good news and some bad news Mr Jones''. ''Oh no, whats the bad news doctor?'' says Mr Jones. ''I'm afraid we've had to amputate both your legs'', says the doctor. ''Oh my god!! Whats the good news then?says Mr Jones. The doctor replies ''The man in the next bed wants to buy your shoes!!!''