is my husband cheating

[tingly]

i have recently found 6 viagra type pill packets in my husbands pocket( taking it to dry cleaners) On seeing these I did a bit of snooping and found mobile phone bills with the same number appearing about 20 times a week, sometimes he rings it in the morning 8am on the way to work, sometimes at work, and after work.
I rang the number and discovered it is a mutual acquaintance. I confronted my husband who said he felt sorry for her cos her husband hung himself last year and that he had been comforting her.

I rang the woman and asked her if i had anything to worry about, she replied that I should ask my husband.I did, and he said nothing had happened

help everyone- I'm confused. Has he 100% been with her or could it be coincidence? Please dont be flippant, my heart is breaking and this is really important to me

[kick3m0n]

well in that case mountainboo, sorry to you too babes :o)

QM - neither did tingly suggest that she didn't want your opinions....yet you directed that line at her...hence goes around comes around.....

[mountainboo]

No need for an apology kick3mon, just pointing out a mere fact that's all.

[Champagne]

Hi tingly. I really do sympathise with you. It's an awful situation to be in and already I can see that you are being eaten up by this. First and foremost you need to try to think clearly and calmly. Stop snooping on your husband and trying to trick him into admitting an affair. This will only be detremental to you.

His actions definitely are fishy and you have every right to follow your instincts on this. Stop waiting for him to admit it if deep down you already know the answer.

What you need to do now is consider what you want to happen next. Do you simply want the affair to stop? Do you want to leave him?

Take positive steps for YOU, not him. He is the one who has had a secret liaison. If he wants you to believe that he is innocent then he can prove it.

Be strong. Keep telling yourself that you deserve better. The worst case scenario is that your life will not stop without this man in it.

Good luck.

[tingly]

Champagne. On reflection i think this is good advice. You are right I've got to think of the future, and if he has done it , he's never going to admit it. I've sat him down, and looked him in the eyes, and he says he hasnt. But then again if he has done this sort of thing and been deceptive, he's hardly going to be truthful is he.


I've got a lot of thinking to do now I'm over the initial shock.

I think this sort of thing must have stages like grief, denial, anger etc------I'm ready to move onto the anger now!!!


Thnak you all for your advice.xxx

[Champagne]

I think you're right. I think they're are lots of stages to go through. Whatever happens, don't let this scenario have a detremental affect on your chracter OR your life. If it does come to you leaving him then hold your head up high and get out there and start living again. If you decide to stay with him and work through it, hold your head up high and show that you're stronger than him.

I'm really rooting for you!

[lankeela]

There must be something very wrong with your relationship for him not to tell you - perhaps he knew this would be how you reacted? Can there ever be trust between you again?

If he is having an affair with her, do you want to stay with him - I certainly would not. If he isn't would he want to stay with someone who doesn't believe him?

You could always play him at his own game - get yourself another fella.

[tingly]

lankeela. thankyou for your reply. In reality though, you say something must be wrong for him not to tell me,- i think its clear that something must be wrong for him to do it in the first place.
+ how many people do you know when confronted with an affair actually own up?

Thankyou for your thoughts anyway.


I'm throwing him out. Should be gone by next weekend.

[Jojo2]

Why don't you show him this website - your questions and our answers, then not only will he realise how much this is hurting you, but he would have to be a real ba**ard not to own up to the fact that he's having an affair....

[kick3m0n]

tingly, wishing you all the very best for this week then, it'll doubtless be a tough one, no matter how resolute you are in your intentions to throw him out. Keep your chin up, remind yourself why you're doing it if it all feels too hard, and remember there are people on here who will happily "listen" if you want to talk to someone who isn't too close to it all. take care of yourself. xxx

[PinkFizz]

Have just seen this thread - how utterly awful for you.I do hope that everything works out right for you,nobody deserves to go through this,xx

[janetsflower]

Tingly - i feel for you, i really do. All the evidence suggests he has been having an affair and i think in your heart of hearts you know that but its hard to accept. I know how it feels, i have been there myself. Don't forgive and forget, they only do it again eventually. Its a tough thing to do but you have to move on without him. When i went through it i thought the world was ending, i thought my heart had been ripped out and shredded into tiny pieces and it would never mend. But as everyone assured me at the time though i didn't want to hear or believe it - time IS a great healer, life does go on and hopefully you will find happiness again very soon. sending you so many good luck wishes and if you need to talk there are always plenty of ears on here to help you get things into perspective. You do have a hard path to walk now while things get sorted out but round the corner sunny days will be waiting XXX

[janetsflower]

When things go wrong as they sometimes will.
When the road you�re trudging
Seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile but you have to sigh.
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but don�t you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don�t give up though the pace seems slow
You may succeed with another blow.
Success is failure turned inside out
The silver tint of the cloud of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems so far.
So stick to the fight when you�re hardest hit.
It�s when things seem worst
You must not quit.

[country_boy]

As you've worked out by now anyway I think - If the woman says ask him, then she is really hoping that you guys split over this without getting the blame from him if you do. Sounds like they deserve eachother anyway. Like you already said - if it wasn't happening or if she cared about your feelings and it was, she'd have denied it. Good luck and don't take him back, you deserve better.

[tingly]

Thankyou all for your fantastic support. Godbless you. I'll keep you posted on what happens.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[whyme]

have just seen your post, my heart goes out to you. Wish you all the best.x

[Dizzieblonde]

I'd be most concerned about the other woman's reaction Tingly - the phone calls, and even the Viagra, could have an easy explanation - but her response seems odd. Surely if you *weren't* doing anything untoward, you'd answer immediately with a horrified 'no'? Unless she's just a bit of a s**t-stirrer, it sounds like Mr. Tingly may have some explaining to do.

Prepare for the worst and then anything near a reasonable explanation will be a bonus - and then you just have to decide whether you want to carry on with him or not, which is entirely upto you.

Good luck xxx