School Children's Induced Out Pouring Of Grief

[dave50]

Whenever there is a tragedy that involves a school child dying in an accident or any tragic circumstances, there is always a reporter at their school saying that the other children are 'struggling' to come to terms with it or that the whole school is absolutely devastated and councillors are on hand to help and there are pictures of large groups of children in big groups hugging and weeping. How much of this mass grieving is induced by the media and how much is genuine? It seems that this unnecessary group weeping and grieving is becoming the norm these days. I remember when I was at school in the early seventies and someone I knew fairly well was killed in a road accident. There was no mass weeping and grieving, no need for counselling. It was the talk of the school for a couple of days yes but then most forgot about it and moved on. Not because we weren't bothered, it's just that kids in those days weren't whipped up into a frenzy. I am not saying it's not devastating for close family or friends, of course it is but I am left uneasy about all this hysteria among everyone who happens to be in the vicinity of some personal tragedy. Anyone agree?

[ummmm]

You can still be robust and resilient while having a good cry.

[magsmay]

Do any posters actually think a reporter goes to a school and 'directs' the children to grieve? 'come on luvvies lets have a few more tears, clutch that teddy, come on now give me real emotion' No I don't think so - children are immersed these days in 'uber' emotions' by the Media -no one is pleased- they have to be 'ecstatic' -no one is a bit sad they are 'devastated' . The Public (apparently) are always 'outraged'. Then we have the reality shows where celebrities are encouraged to be emotionally outrageous as possible . Therefore, unfortunately , this outpouring of grief we now see is not induced by a third party, but a natural progression of learned behaviour -if i don't wail and moan like I've seen on the telly it means I don't care.

[New Judge]

Look at any news item where a child dies, Trigger. You will see children at school gates weeping and wailing in each other's arms. You will see flowers, toys and scarves laid at the school gates. You will hear that all the children are "devastated" (a much overused word). You will hear the staff explaining that the children are being offered counselling. You will hear that many of them are having difficulty "coming to terms" with the tragedy. They are not isolated incidents. They occur each and every time a child dies in a tragedy.

[ummmm]

I don't think it's a bad thing. I've spent far too many years hiding my emotions. Now, if something makes me cry, I cry, and I feel much better for it.

[magsmay]

trigger -I think to be forced to hold in your emotions as sometimes was the case in the 'good old days' is just as harmful as being pressured by peers and media to be over-emotional at the drop of a hat or be admonished for not caring.

[society]

The media exaggerates a lot and uses numerous unnecessary adjectives. All they care about is headlines and making a story.

[New Judge]

This is a bad thing because…

It encourages children to collapse at the first sign of difficulties. It encourages them to believe they cannot cope. It encourages them to believe that as soon as the show signs of this inability to cope a whole army of people will swing into action to pull them out of their difficulties.

We need people who can cope with life’s ups (and particularly) its downs. They will encounter far greater difficulties and challenges than the loss of a classmate and they will not usually have the services of counsellors and helpers to get them through.

This is not a question of “the older generation” bemoaning that the “good old days” no longer exist. I don’t particularly care how children behave so long as it does not effect me. But the grief industry is doing children no favours.

[dave50]

Thank you New Judge you have summed it up quite nicely. I am sure the whole school were not devastated when initially given this kind of news, surprised maybe, sad and even a little shocked but not overcome with grief as news reports always suggest. It's become fashionable now though to weep and wail and sob in public to ensure that you are seen to care.

[ummmm]

Have you seen how other cultures deal with grief? Weeping and wailing.

NJ - it's not a sign of weakness. It's not a sign of someone not coping. It's a form of coping.

[mccfluff]

i saw worse when take that split up

[LazyGun]

@NJ "It encourages children to collapse at the first sign of difficulties. It encourages them to believe they cannot cope. It encourages them to believe that as soon as the show signs of this inability to cope a whole army of people will swing into action to pull them out of their difficultiesW

Really? You have evidence for these statements of yours do you? You have evidence to support your statement that a public show of grief equates to an inability to cope?

Such outpourings of grief are usually temporary, and for many will be both cathartic and a coping mechanism.

It does not work for me, and as I said before, I was totally bemused by the national reaction to the death of Diana, but you know, life goes on, those people who did grieve the way they did have carried on with their lives...

Now you and Dave might have an opinion on such things, but that does not make you the authoritative arbiter on what is the "correct" form of grief.....

[ummmm]

lol....and look what happened with The Beatles.

[New Judge]

Yes I have seen how other cultures cope, some at first hand rather than on the telly. And believe me, it's not something I would like to see spread to the UK because it's not very nice. Hence my earlier comments.

Lots of things take place in other countries or within other cultures but that is no reason for them to spread here. Usually quite the opposite, in fact.

[ummmm]

People should be free to grieve in their own way.

[ladybirder]

Totally agree with Dave and NJ. Unfortunately it seems to be the norm now, this staging of grief.

[ummmm]

How do know it's staging and not genuine grief?

[China Doll]

I agree entirely with Sharingan.

[chaptazbru]

"People should be free to grieve in their own way"

Totally agree.

[New Judge]

No, lazy, no evidence other than what I've seen. But what I've seen is quite enough for me to draw the conclusions that I have. I'm not saying I'm right because it's only a matter of opinion. If parents think it does their children more good to be "devastated" over something that really need not effect them that much rather than encouraging them to get over it that's their business. But (once again in my opinion) they are doing them no favours. The adults I know who encourage a more stoical approach to such matters seem to produce more well-balanced offspring and they seem to be somewhat more well-balanced themselves. Those who publicly grieve over people they do not really know often appear to me to be somewhat unhinged.