Church Marriage Vows

[agchristie]

Given the high failure rate of first marriages, are vows taken too lightly?

What would you like to see done differently either in the Marriage service to strengthen what the union means or perhaps you would like to see change in the way people are brought together to prevent relationships from being irretrievably broken down?

[DaisyNonna]

How do you advise a woman to get on with her husband if he is serially unfaithful?

[jomifl]

agchristie, I know my last posting was a bit off thread but it is something that bears repeating as death of a spouse is bad enough but to become poor and homeless too....

[askyourgran]

Doh! jom I think I've forgotten to tell MrAsk that I opted out of the occupational pension share, better not tell him now.

ag/naomi I agree, I can't see how any agency can re-connect a couple if there isn't that feeling between them any more. I wouldn't want to have my marriage under scrutiny by strangers for a start.

[jomifl]

AYG best turn off the over-bed video camera then..

[agchristie]

DaisyNonna - you would need a highly forgivable partner but admittedly those cases are likely to add to the failure stats.

Jom - not too off thread really.

AYG - look closely at the paperwork! :-)

[askyourgran]

It's off!

[mikey4444]

The high failure of marriages is all to do with the easy availability of divorces.

[pixie373]

...or the easy availability of marriages, in the first place.

[tamborine]

add wealth (or lack of it) to 'in sickness & health' and just maybe loyalty might abide?

Maybe asians get it right, with their tight communties & family support?

[naomi24]

I truly don't see the problem with easily available divorce. If people are not happy they should have the option to change it without interference from anyone.

[ummmm]

I don't think people really bale out at the first hint of unrest. Most people would try and talk it out and reach a compromise.

But like Jom says...it's a contract.

[tamborine]

Happiness is transient and insufficient cause for childrens & extended family's disturbance.

[EDDIE51]

Just 2 points. There is only one reason for divorce now, that the marriage has irretrievably broken down. There is no concept of 'blame' or 'Fault'
As has been pointed there are very sound reasons to do with inheritance and taxation that a marriage is important rather than just being a 'piece of paper'. The type of marriage is not important, a 10 min ceremony in a register office with just the couple and a witness is just as good for the inheritance and taxation reasons as a £100000 Church wedding .
Lastly I do not think there is a higher or lower divorce rate between church and other weddings.

[naomi24]

Tamborine, if you’re saying that people should remain in unhappy marriages to avoid disturbing their children and other family members, I disagree. Children are far happier living with one happy parent than with two miserable and warring parents. The rest of the family is irrelevant.

[mikey4444]

Naomi.... I agree with you at 08:17.

But the easy availability of divorces is perhaps the reason why so many marriages break down in the first place. Marriage seems to be looked upon as a sort-temporary membership of a club, that is its really not very important and is disposable. While I agree that people should be able to get out of unhappy contracts, it is always the children that suffer. My youngest brother was terribly affected by our parents divorce, as he was only 13 at the time. Looking at him now, I can see that the trauma he suffered 33 years ago made irreversible changes to him, and certainly not for the better. I see it in other children that I know in the same situation. Not sure what the solution is though.

[naomi24]

Mikey, children are affected by divorce - but nowhere near as much as they are affected by being raised between two warring parents. A happy home is far more beneficial to a child than an unhappy home.

[ummmm]

My parents split when I was 8. It was the best decision my mum made. I didn't know how unhappy she was until we were settled into our new home and my dad really made an effort with us after the split. We spent more quality time with him. I must add though....I have absolutely no memory of any arguments.

[naomi24]

I know someone whose enduring memory of his parents’ lives together is of sitting at the top of the stairs listening to screaming arguments late at night – and then being dragged down and asked which one he wanted to live with – a regular occurrence. A healthy childhood? I think not.

[ummmm]

That would scar a child for life. My parents didn't argue or if they did they didn't do it in front of use.

[RATTER15]

I dont ever remember my parents even speaking to each other, my mother was totally devoted to myself and my siblings, I couldn't have wished for a better more loving mother. My father was a self centred perverse bully that worked to cover his own living expenses.

The day I reached 18 years of age, he proudly said to me, "now that you are 18, I will move out, I wanted to see that you were an adult before I left"

Well I wished he had left when I was much younger!! He done nothing for me or my brothers and sisters and he was a B@st@rd to my Mother. If he had left and divorced many years earlier, my mother would have had a chance at a happy and loving marriage and I and my siblings would have known what it was like to have a father! The best thing my father ever done for me was to die!!