Loved Ones When They Die

[nailit]

What are your experiences of been with loved ones when they die (atheist or religious...dont want this to be a theology thread)

I missed my dads dying by minutes although my sister was there. No guilt as I couldnt help it but what are your stories?

Please no preaching from the religious...
Just want to here from normal folk about their experiences

[Cloverjo]

I was with my mum when she died in a hospice. She had been suffering for months, but her death was peaceful and it was a relief when she went, to be honest. I only got there with minutes to spare, but so glad I did. It was the first time I'd seen a dead body, and had previously thought I'd be freaked out by it, but I wasn't.

[Elina]

I missed my dad's death by a few hours, it happened in the early hours of the morning ing just before I was due to go to work. I was able to spend time with him prior to that. I stroked his hand & in return he squeezed my hand at one point which was a loving gesture from him, nobody knew he'd made that gesture at the time, but it's something I get comfort from.

[sandyRoe]

My mother, dying of lung cancer, was initially in a local hospital. At times she was hallucinating and told me they'd bring a child to visit one of the male patients on the ward. He'd sit her on his knee and put his hand up her skirt. I don't know where that came from but sometimes think it might have been a garbled version of something that had actually happened to her when a child.
Soon after she was admitted to a hospice. Her medication made her sleep and as time passed her breathing became shallower. About four in the morning on a summer night it stopped.
I can't remember much more about that night. A nurse and I each had a cigarette at the door of the hospice and I walked home through the early morning quiet.

[NoMercy]

My nan had malignant neoplasm of the endometrium and passed away just before midnight on 25 May 2012. I held her hand as she stopped breathing. She had been cheyne-stoking for 36 hours.

Her last words were to me and she said, "Who are you?" in her lovely Welsh accent. I replied, "It's me, nan, it's Caroline." She simply said, "Oh." and never spoke again.

[ummmm]

I missed my grandad dying by minutes. Devastated. I went to the hospital everyday straight from school and sat with him until my dad and his siblings turned up, then I'd go home and get changed and head back again. The day he died as I walked into the pub (I lived in a pub) the phone was ringing and it was my cousin to tell me he'd died.

Similar with my dad. I slept next to him every night. Went home to get changed and he died in that short time. The nurses tried to comfort me but I was consumed with guilt for a long time.

His funeral was brilliant though.

[Ringlet]

I agree with anneasquith (above) who said it is a great privilege to be with a loved one when he or she dies. I was with my Mother when she died in hospital. The hours before her death were harrowing as she was confused by morphine and suffering pain, her breathing was difficult and she called out a lot, sometimes shouting the names of dead relatives but often shouting names that I did not recognise. When she neared the end, she became quieter, her breathing became shallow and slow. Breaths came at longer and longer intervals. Several times I thought she was not going to take another breath. When the last breath happened, it was no different from the others. She just didn't take another one. It was upsetting because my mother had died, but the process of dying was not upsetting. It was a privilege.

[Sqad]

I have no wish to be with my "loved ones" when they die.......i cannot see tho point. As long as they are not in pain and pass into a sleep that leads to death........why should i be there? What would be my function?

I have never got close enough to anybody to mourn their death or indeed want to be with them at the end.

As far as Mrs sqad is concerned.....the same applies and i would miss her rather than mourn her.

[Zacs-Master]

My wife's experience as a nurse and stories from colleagues support the theory that most people,choose to die alone. The number of 'I'd only nipped out of the room to get a coffee' stories are too great for tHis not to be the case.

[steg]

I held the stegesses hand while she died Christmas Day 3years ago, part of me died that day too

[RATTER15]

I have experienced death many times and to be quite honest, the death of my own mother, brother ,father wasnt much difference to losing the people I care for in a Care Home. Of course the emotional side of things are a little different.

Once that person has died, I have little interest in the body itself or hanging on to mementoes or ashes or anything like that, My memories are all I need and all I want. I have one or two pieces that I was left, but they hold little interest. My memories are all I really need and mementoes do little for me in that respect.

I also dont believe in "they have gone to a better place" nonsense. I am happy in my belief that when someone dies, that is the end, nothing more apart from memories. People always say "they have gone to a better place" when they dont actually know, if there is a heaven and a hell, how would we know which direction they went in?

When I die, I really dont care what happens to my body, I wont know about it, feed me to the hounds for all I care.

I have no fear of death, I'm not itching to go just yet as I'm still enjoying life, but when the time comes.....

[Canary42]

What a touching contribution from gness. The last four words had me welling up.

[woofgang]

My husbands grandmother actually sent me away. She was in a hospital in London (very good care) and her heart was failing. Dh and I took it in turns to visit as we lived some distance away and time off work wasn't easy. We all knew which way things were heading including her. On the last day I visited, she asked after every member of the family and where they were and what they were doing at that time. I have never forgotten it, she would say "so where is so and so?" "What will they be doing now?" When she had gone through everyone she said "I am tired, I am going to sleep now. You go for a walk in the sunshine" and she insisted that I leave. I did go for a walk and when i got back to my Mum's where I was staying, the hospital phoned to say that she had gone to sleep and died in her sleep.

[mikey4444]

I missed both my Mum and Dad, by a few minutes each. But both were very uneventful according to my brothers. Mum was asleep and just stopped breathing, and my Dad was similar, although he gave a huge sigh as he went.

Not much else I can say really....both had very peaceful deaths, although my Mum was very ill for months, before she was moved into the Hospice.

[237SJ]

Both of my parents died in hospital (my Dad in 2007 and my Mum this springtime). I was with both of them when they died which was so lucky given that I could have been away working and would have had the dreaded meeting from a manager at the aircraft door and a mad dash from the other side of the world. I`m so glad I was able to be there to support them right to the end of their lives - I wouldn`t have wanted it any other way.

[gness]

Thanks, Canary.....I framed the sign and it now causes some smiles on the wall of the cloakroom......☺

[sandyRoe]

Maybe Larkin had it with: "What will survive of us is love."

[dannyk13]

Having received a call from the hospital I arrived at my wife's bedside at 8am and held her hand until 5pm at which time she passed away. The worst day of my life.

[tamborine]

My OH said "hello dad" and slipped away. His dad died 7y earlier.

[mikey4444]

Danny...sad story.