There's no reason to say that, theland, or play the victim xx
We respond and ask questions according to what you post. And if you really are convinced in your views, you would be only too happy to let us know.
It worries me a little, that you sometimes see it as a "challenge" or something you need to do research for, or find videos, so others can try to answer for you...
Just your own ideas, reasons, thoughts, are perfectly good enough, so if you really believe this... have a little faith in yourself xx
If not, and I think, you aren't sure, but want to believe... then maybe lay off YouTube... stop thinking that all atheists follow particular people, and just start again from the beginning, yourself xx