An apology to the people of Sheffield........

[jackthehat]

I've just been watching the Bishop of Carlisle on TV. And it appears that the fact that I am gay has been the primary cause of your houses being flooded.............

............so I'd just like to say 'sorry about that'.

[WaldoMcFroog]

Mais oui, Jacques!

[RATTER15]

Have you got a job for a professional Ratter??

[sense4all]

And they wonder why people state religion : Jedi on the National Census ... I know you were not likeing the ' lezza' tag last week but as a friend in the States says -as he sidles up to his boyfriend - when they go to visit relatives in the Midwest. In this particular instance ,and for purely comedic purposes ...

< Sense looks dewey eyed and clutches fist to chest >
'I pledge allegience to the f**!'

I hardly think this is a bonding statement to heal ' our broken society' and if I read that once more today I might be ill too.

[jackthehat]

I'm sure that your comments have a deep and hidden message somewhere...............I just have no idea what you mean, or even what you think you mean.........

Sorry, sense4all...........I think that you might cause confusion on our boat and that would be bad for morale, so with a heavy heart I will have to ask Wizard to bar you entry...........

[sense4all]

Given a choice between writting religion C of E and Jedi right now. I would choose Jedi - this bloke is an idiot!

My mate does not pledge his allegience to the 'star spangled banner' - flag. Instead he pledges it to the < substitute common slang for ciggie> . It made me laugh when I copped what he was doing! So it was for fun not offence that I quoted him!

I will change my name to deed poll to ' Olive Branch' and throw myself over the side if dry land is found. lol .

[jackthehat]

OK sense4all............now you are edging towards closer to the 'perception of reality' shared by everyone who has volunteered so far.......I take it you are offering you friends 'pledge of alliegance to the junior skivvy boy at Eton by way of it being an amusing anecdote ?

We will need raconteurs and humourists on our voyage.........perhaps we ought to hold open auditions ?

[sense4all]

Well I want this girl as Entertainments Director ...
http://www.pamann.com/# if I'm on the trip or not ... she's hysterical.

[Octavius]

Why do you assume I would be grumpy?
I like sailing.

If it involves doing the conga and singing Russ Abbots �Atmosphere� on continuous loop, I might get a little tetchy after a few days.

[naomi24]

OK Octavious, Agadoo, The Birdy Song and YMCA it is.

Jack, mustn't forget Lonnie, Chakka, Mib - and Mammar..... she really comes into her own with a couple of choruses of Knees up Mother Brown and a plate of jellied eels.

Right, let's have a little rehearsal just to get us in the mood ..... I'll lead you until Luna comes back. Altogether now ....... We are sailing, we are saaailing ..........

[jackthehat]

See, naomi24, I think you ought to be in charge of deciding the crew..............and also the passengers. I don't really know the people on here terribly well.........

Any ideas for the menu whilst we are on our voyage ?

Do you have any ideas of who we should bar from our happy band, out in the wider world, I mean...........George Bush, Osama Bin Laden, Bonnie Langford............you get my drift ?

[naomi24]

Oh Cap'n Jack, I really don't think I should be in charge, but I could make a few suggestions if you like.

Top of my list for celebrities is Stephen Fry, Gryff Rees-Jones and Michael Palin - always a handy man to have around if you're travelling the world. Oh, and if we have room, I'd like to invite Pavarotti aboard just to belt out the odd Puccini aria now and then. Wonder if he'd consider joining the Looney Band as our vocalist? Just as an afterthought, perhaps I should include George Clooney - but only to keep me company on the long voyage, you understand! That man has a wonderful mind! :o)

Well known people I'd throw overboard straightaway would be Russell Brand, Paris Hilton and Janet Street-Porter ...... and all politicians should either be keelhauled or made to walk the plank.

And Ratter, if you're good at your job, you'll be welcome aboard - just in case any of the aforementioned manage to escape their just desserts!

Oo-er! Menu? Me? You may as well ask my alter-ego, Ria, from "Butterflies" to plan the menu. Unless someone wants to volunteer for the job, maybe we should just call Harrods? One request I would make Cap'n Jack - could you please keep your parrot out of the galley? I'm no cook, but I do insist on proper hygiene.

I thought Theland would have climbed aboard by now .... where is he? THELAND WHERE ARE YOU? He's always up for a party - has anyone told him Wiz has his chilled meths at the ready?

Suggestions from other passengers and crew will be welcome. Time to splice the mainbrace methinks!

[jackthehat]

I think I'd probably invite most the 'Dames' from stage and screen...........Judy, Helen, Maggie, and Diana.........just because I bet they know really filthy jokes......:o)

Any celebrity who hasn't actually DONE anything will be barred, naturally.

You are George will need somewhere quiet for your *ahem* long conferences, so I suggest we set aside somewhere with an ample supply of cosy settees....

Politicians of every kidney will be most certainly be unwelcome..............unless we keep 'em below decks and just throw one overboard every now and then to test the depth of the waters..........

I'm starting to get a clearer picture of your culinary skills (the mention of Ria certainly suffices for persons of a certain age....) No-one else has stepped forwards though, hmmmm, it may have to be microwave meals all the journey unless we get a volunteer...........

Bet we get inundated (pardon the pun) with offers to be bar-person.........

Me 'n my parrot (the 't' is silent, he has delusions of grandeur) will spend most of the voyage standing stiff-legged leaning into the teeth of the gale safely steering you all through these turbulent waters.........so you needn't worry about his behaviour in the Kitchen.......ME on the other hand, well !

If the offer of a glass or two of meths with his old mucker (? I don't think I've ever spelt that word before !) Wizard isn't enough to entice Theland on board, I don't know what is !!

I'm off to see a Gopher about some wood.........

[WaldoMcFroog]

I'm afraid I won't be able to call you 'Captain Jack', Jack. It brings to mind a Billy Joel song about junkies and masturbation and I rather think you're not like that...

[Octavius]

Well if you are including Dames, then Edna and Ellen McArthur might come in useful. I don�t mind cooking, providing the sight, sound and taste of ex-Big Brother �celebrities� being boiled, saut�ed, fried, grilled, oven roasted, barbecued and sushi�d is ok with you all.

[WaldoMcFroog]

We're athiests, not cannibals. I know some of you Jesus-fiddlers can't tell the difference, but really...

[WaldoMcFroog]

Or 'atheists' even. Whoops!

[Mammar]

Paaarrrrtay!
Am I too late? I've got Pringles and dip and a bottle of Tango.
Incidentally, jackthehat, if this is your fault any idea who caused the tsunami then? What's the Bish's answer to that?

[WaldoMcFroog]

I believe that was done to two lesbians and a bi-curious.

[jackthehat]

Hot salsa dip, I hope..........
You have already been recommended by naomi24, so welcome aboard................but you'll have to bring your own jellied eels, too............revolting things.

I think it was the adulterers who caused the tsunami, or perhaps it was the single parents............

[jackthehat]

Apologies...........I meant to say 'divorcees', of course, not adulterers......