When you get married in the

[theonlyone]

Catholic church it's supposed to be for life ? It this true as a friend who is a devout believer has met someone , her ex left her and they divorced , he was in the wrong .. so does she have to get an annulment do get remarried again in the Catholic faith ? If so how do you get one ...

[Whickerman]

yes, she will need an anullment to get remarried in a Catholic church. This would mean that in the eyes of that church the original marriage is declared null and void, that it never actually happened, and is therefore not a divorce.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Annulment_(Cathol ic_Church)

It's bloodyy difficult to get one though...

[Ethel]

Your friend should know this if she is a devout Catholic - it is drummed in to them that marrying in the Church is for life and the Catholic church does not recognise divorce.

She could get married in a Register Office.

[theonlyone]

Ethel she knows all that but as you say
it's drummed in ..and she seems to think
that if she remarries and has a Registery
wedding she will be ex-communicated
and not be able to go to Mass ...sad really
as the man she has met has been widowed
for years and they are made for each other
so fingers xed !!!

[Ethel]

Yes, all the best to her.

[tamborine]

Divorcees get a blessing in the catholic church.

[Octavius]

If she is quite strict about her faith, then (really) strictly speaking she has to go through the motions and rules of that faith and get re-marrried in a catholic church.

If she is keen on the idea of getting married somewhere else, then providing she is legally divorced, an anulment and dispensation would for all intents and purpose be irrelevant as the strictest of believers wouldn�t marry elsewhere.

I would tell her to take the divorce and if she so wishes, marry him somewhere other than a catholic church. If the church is really important to her, then she has to follow the rules.

[Nannyjill]

I would be surprised if she was given an annulment and it is a very long drawn out process which can take years.

I know of someone ,who knew someone ,who got an anulment ,on the grounds that her husband had only married her for money, and had no intention of staying married to after she received her inheritance. I believe if either one of the marriage partners had no intention of remaining in the marriage at the outset of the marriage it is a reason for annulment. However it would be difficult to prove and unless it was true there would be no point.

If a registry office doesn't appeal to her she can choose a venture sanctioned for marriage and have a blessing in the church as has been suggested.

In this day and age very few people are actually ex-communicated and certainly not because they are divorced.

[naomi24]

A church won't marry a couple if one or both are divorced, but if they marry elsewhere, the church will bless the union. I've never understood that. How hypocritical.

[Octavius]

I suppose it is, if your assumption that getting married in a church is an automatic right, rather than a spiritual and faith-based choice. But if you want to get married in a church, then you should really belong to the club and follow the rules, otherwise that would be hypocritical.

By and large, divorcees are less likely to find a minister to marry them in the Church of England, or the Roman Catholic Church. But it can and does happen. I guess you have to 'shop' around.

The decision as to whether they will marry you, is left to the local minister in charge of the church. Amongst many other things, they will be looking to make sure that:

- This is a serious attempt to make a new start
- The present relationship is not the cause of the break up of the previous marriage
- You are not asking to get married in your ex�s own church
- Maintenance payments and childcare access are all in order
- You are not making the same mistake again

There is no automatic right to get married and it may be that the local minister decides that a church wedding would not be appropriate. However, in many cases, you will be able to go ahead with a church wedding, providing you have followed the appropriate protocol of that church � and if this was vitally important to you, then you would do it. If not you wouldn�t.

[naomi24]

I'm not suggesting marrying in church is anyone's automatic right. I'm saying it's hypocritical of the church to bless a union that it refuses to sanction in the first place.

[Octavius]

I don�t see that as particularly hypocritical.

They are adhering to the canon laws dictated to them by the Vatican, so they may have to refuse marriage on certain grounds. Offering a blessing to someone who has requested it, seems quite a sensible approach to satiating the minds of those who feel Catholic recognition of their marriage is important.

[theonlyone]

This couple are not yougsters they are
60 + it's seems the RC church wants
the believers to be miserable as someone
made a mistake ..be it thier fault or the other
person . Just goes to show how this faith
is still locked in to the old ways of the faith
and refuse to come in to the 21st century .
The only reason they have a big following is
because they are brainwashed from birth ..I was
and one day saw the light , no one has the
right to do that ...but a child you have no rights .

[Octavius]

That may be true, but its a blanket generalisation and does not mean your friend has to be stick in the old ways, unless it is really important for her.

Is the point of your question just a podium to bemoan the Catholic faith? If it is, why don't you just share your views with your friend and see if she feels the same way and is prepared to move into modern times. Some Catholic priests step outside of the strictest conformity and live and evolve with the times.

As you have said, she is not a child.

[theonlyone]

Oct , is was not running the RC faith down ..
so thanks for your input ..so will have a word
with her.

[naomi24]

Octavius, 'Catholic recognition of their marriage'. That's the point. The Catholic church doesn't recognise divorce, but it must recognise divorce if it's happy to bless a marriage where one or both parties are divorced. It's contradictory - and it's hypocritical.

[theonlyone]

naomi 24, one person is widowed , the other
divorced , so what is the problem in this
modern world with the RC church ...

[Octavius]

Perhaps rather than us speculating, she should just discuss the details with her priest get some direction and then make a choice.

There are no absolute rules of conduct, either in peace or war. Everything depends on circumstances.

[naomi24]

theonlyone, I don't know why you've specifically asked me that question, but since you have, and bearing in mind the subject we're discussing, I would say that in this modern world, the church is far from modern. It was founded in ancient times, and in its thinking, it hasn't moved on. I hope your friends manage to find a way that suits them both.

[andy-hughes]

I think the sound advice on here is that your friend needs to examine her individual circumstances, and what she wants from her marriage.

If marriage in church is important, then she must find a minister who will comply. I should confirm that annulment is hard to obtain - my wife got one, but it took a long hard process, and is finally ratified by the Pope - and the current incumbant is well known for his strict views on Catholic teachings and beliefs.

If your friend does wish to apply for an allulment, she must speak to her local priest who will advise her on the proceedure - as advised, it is done on a 'case by case' basis, but it is a lot of work and stress, sotell her not to start unless she is sure she will only ever be happy with a Catholic wedding.

My personal belief is that people are happy in marriage, and the ceremony is a part - but not the most essential part - but then as an atheist, I would think that.