Tonight

[jennyjoan]

8.00pm - neighbour rang me

"have you any men over there"

me astonished - "me have I got any men here - no why"

neighbour "no - have you any mayonnaise"

me - sigh of relief - oh yea I have mayonnaise.

the curse of being corned beef (deaf) LOL

good night

[Buenchico]

You should chat to Caran's hubby, JennyJoan. It could be very interesting!
;-)
http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/ChatterBank/Question1484796.html

[gness]

Being Easter time helped this one, Conne....

Aunt Jean was doing her embroidery......Aunt Jessie was going shopping....

Jessie.....Do you want anything, Jean?

Jean.....Yes, bring me some of these threads.....

Jessie......Oh, okay....how many?

Jean.....Just the two.....

Jessie came back with two Easter Eggs.....

I was a child and thought it was hilarious.....☺

[Jackdaw33]

My favourite, though slightly off theme, is of the woman who asked her husband to go to the shop for a pint of milk, adding, " and if they've got any eggs, get six". He came back with six pints of milk. When challenged he replied, "They had eggs".

[gness]

When she was at Uni the daughter and some friends went speed dating.....so I told MrG...

He then told everyone our daughter had taken up speed skating......x

[Jackdaw33]

Lebanese for Lesbian always tickles me.

[Jackdaw33]

..and, on a religious theme, The Hoover's Witnesses and The Morons.

[tamborine]

like my son says.....youve got lots of enemies?
Have I, who ?
enemies = flowers
tch, anemones

[Cloverjo]

This is not as funny as the previous answers, but one that tickles me.
My boy and his grandad were sitting in the garden at dusk. A bat flew over them, grandad said "oh look, there's a bat." Son said "what kind is it?" Granddad said "Half past nine".

Ok, perhaps you had to be there.

[Jackdaw33]

Three old ladies on the tube:

Is this Wembley?

No, it's Thursday.

So am I, let's get off and have a cup of tea.

[stuey]

"Where are we in Wales?"
"Swansea."
"I don't see a bird. Anyway, where are we?"

[Jackdaw33]

Again I digress, prompted by Stuey. Two guys touring Wales. They come to the town of Machynlleth and stop off at a cafe. One of the guys asks the waitress how to pronounce the name of the place they were. She replies, "B U R G E R K I N G".

[Strawberry5]

Jackdaw33, re hoover's witnesses and morons:

I remember when I was at school, I ended up talking to another girl about a film that had been on TV the previous night. I mentioned that two characters in the film were mormons but she must have thought I said morons. Because she said That's not nice.

[jennyjoan]

Jenny hand me down that calendar -

Me (young and sprightly) climbs over furniture to reach the thing.

Brings it in to mum - nnnooooooooooooooooooo - not that - that collander.

done my best

[horseshoes]

A university porter asked the new lad to buy him a pack of cigarettes at lunch time.
What sort? the lad asked.
Number 6 the porter said.
What if they don't have them?
Oh bring anything.

Lad came back with a pork pie!

You told me to bring anything if they didn't have number 6 the lad said!