We keep arguing

[suzi-q]

My husband and I keep arguing about just one issue. We love each other very very much but this problem keeps coming up and we argue about it ineffectually but painfully almost every weekend. It really, really hurts that we have a problem we can't solve between us because I want to spend the rest of my life with this man. I love him so much. I can't make the problem go away, its one of those things that theres no choice about.

[suzi-q]

Im so glad I aired this problem today because Ive been worrying about it all so much. It sounds like we are not alone in our problem and that helps too. Julie, you sound like you know exactly what Im on about. And I suppose there is a lot of guilt involved. My ex husband was foul to the kids when we divorced and of course none of it was their faults. He disowned them and really hurt them and my new husband (boyfriend at the time) was a bit of a rock for all of us. He was great and never stormed round to do the macho thing which would have made things so much worse. He was just there for us all. I just love all 3 of them to bits and wish things were a bit easier for them to get on.

[Hermit]

I think taking your son on holiday is a massive bind for your husband but your son will really appreciate it, especially letting him take a mate along even tho that will be as big a boon for you as for him. Your husband deserves a lot of credit for agreeing to that but I think its a great investment for future relationships. Hope you all have a great time.

[unruliejulie]

I do understand totally suzi, you're torn and feel like piggy in the middle all the time.It must be even worse when their own father has treated them so badly. You so need to protect them from any hurt they may encounter and thats not always easy.It WILL get easier as i said, Good luck x

[B00]

Ummm lord molly? What's a marrade? Is it a form of marriage but smothered in marmalade or marinade?

[lady_p_gold]

The thing is ..... you are always going to be in the middle and that is the hard part ... when he is angry or cricicises them you feel that protective mother urge to defend them, and when they are annoying and irritating you are trying to protect him from being annoyed. That is why you go round in circles. If you could just try and have a united approach, however difficult, that would be the way forward. I had a situation where I kept having the same argument week in week out, in fact there were two arguments, and one day I just suggested that instead of going over it we just called it 'Chat A' and 'Chat B' so then we didn't bother having it. All you can do is speak to your kids from the heart and explain how difficult it is and could they try and help you to get the family united, and the same with your hubby. The fact is they would probably be doing just the same things if they were his biological children, but of course they are not so he does not react in quite the same way. The time will soon be for them to be gone, and you know ............ he will probably miss them !!!