letter resonse...

[curly sue]

What would you say is the 'correct' time to write a response to a letter - I received a letter from a friend who I have not heard from in ages - we had fallen out out something trivial and we lost touch as she moved. Now I have received a letter - no real apology - but making contact - I am still sort of hurt by her actions but 'think' I want to reply - but I am not sure when or how to say what I want to say? - does that make sense? What would you do..?

[WendyS]

Well, I guess the issue at stake here is "Do you want to renew contact with her or not?" Did she make a difference to your life before your had fallen out, and was the issue big enough (viewed honestly with the benefit of hindsight) to have lost a friend permanently? It sounds as if saying "Sorry" has been difficult for both of you, but she has made the effort to take the first step and is probably waiting with bated breath hoping you will reply. If you do want to, perhaps you could say that you had thought of her over the years, was pleased to hear from her and it was a pity that a disagreement which happened in the past had caused you both to be out of touch for so long. But time moves on, memories fade and you were pleased to hear her news. You could end with some chatty news about yourself and say you would like to stay in touch. But I suggest you reply fairly soon if you're going to and put her out of her misery after she's made the effort to make the first move.

[n00dles]

Hi curly,

Best to give it a day or two, partly to get over 'surprise' and also give yourself time to think what you want to say. Sometimes you can have an immediate "knee jerk" response, then regret it later. If I ever need to write to say a company about an issue I have, I will always change the wording or points raised, even whilst typing them, in order to express my opinion properly and suitable for printing! Chew it over for a day, you'll be surprised at how many times you will change your mind as to what you want to say.

Your friend is offering you an olive branch, and perhaps has found it difficult to express their feelings etc. Also he/she might not think they are the one to apologise..

Please do not think I'm telling you to apologise, I do not know the situation, just saying how your friend might view things.

Think it over, you will be glad you did.

n00dles xXx

[curly sue]

wendy - thank you - what a sensible answer.. I have to admit that I have really just been thinking 'yes but you did this' etc.. she did play a big part in my life..

[Octavius]

Perhaps this is her way of trying to heal any old wounds. If you feel that stongly you can always write back straight away with your feelings and wait to see if she will ever write to you again.

Alternatively, you could just write a nice pleasant letter back giving an update on your life etc and take it from there - who knows, you might rekindle an old friendship.

In any event, if what happened was so bad that you cannot bring yourself to write someting nice then perhaps you shouldn't, but if you want to remain in contact delaying for too long is just rude. If it were me, I would drop a cordial line, see if anything comes about and take it from there.

[Scarlett]

I know how you feel! My "best" friend seems to offend me every time she comes to visit. Then she leaves and I am angry that she could be so rude, and not realise, yet we never actually discuss it, because it would ruin the weekend if we did! So then she goes back home and I feel like not speaking to her.. until the next time.

Why not write a short but friendly letter back, arranging a meeting. Then you can chat through your differences and see if you can put the past behind you.

[curly sue]

n00dles & Octavius - also very sensible answers.. will do a draft as in just let the pen flow and see what comes out when I have finished!

thank you

[curly sue]

Scarlett - don't know if I want to meet with her just yet - seems we need to clear a few things up first - well I hope we will.. but I will write sooner rather than later and take all your comments into note and take it from there - not sure that we will ever get back what we used to have.. thank you all xxx

[PEATBOG]

curly - I agree with all the other replies - how hard do you think was it for her to write the letter to you...? perhaps it will be the start of something new and better friendship - if you both want it :-) go on write that note/letter!