In The Veg. Patch.............

[Shaglene]

A woman notices her elderly next door neighbour lying flat on his face in his vegetable patch. 'Are you okay? she calls anxiously. 'I'm fine,' he yells back.
'I'm planting potatoes but I've lost my dibber so I'm using my *** instead.' 'In that case I'll send my husband,' she says. 'They need to go deeper than that.'

[Ellipsis]

He didn't get his fair allotment ...