Jobs & Education0 min ago
Not supportive enough???
37 Answers
I am in a bit of a dilemma.My partner works long hours and I also work from home as well as run a family.He has now come up with a business idea/plan which would involve opening premises about half hour from us.In order to do this he needs my total backing in helping out at this new venture every day for at least 4 hours,with almost no pay till it took off.He then wants me to ask a close friend to do the same for a few hours a day,and then he plans to drive from work at 6pm to this premises and manage the evening shift till 10/11 pm and then come home!! Apart from the fact that it needs quite a bit of capital to start up,which he has but with all the other family problems going on he really should be keeping it for future solicitor costs,I simply don't want to do this as I dont think the venture will make any money,and I have enough on my plate at the mo,without adding to it.And I truly think it is a business that will not make any money whatsoever. I have tried to tell him this but he keeps saying "nothing ventured nothing gained".And he cannot do this without me.I have discusssed this with a friend and she knows of an almost identical business nearby which failed dismally after 3 months but still this hasn't put him off.Now im getting the "I thought you would support me" looks. What on earth do I do??
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Well,I think im not gona say a word till he mentions it again,and seeing as Im the one who is meant to be chasing up the details on the premises I know he wont have advanced much further with this mad idea.But when he does,which will probably be tonight,I will tell him that I just don't think it is realisticly feasible,either with time or money.If he then gets the hump then so be it - I'll go on strike in the bedroom dept!!
you live a life similar to mine pinky.
i work from home and fit in looking after the partners kids who are the messiest laziest pair of teenagers you could ever meet.
i wash, clean, look after the dogs, do every thing round the house (which we,ve just moved into so has had afull going over) and try to run a business as well, on top of the extra work i do at the pub. i did all of this without complaint until recently, but i'm sick of the lack of appreciation shown.
cant really give you any solid advice on how to deal with this dilemma though. it sounds as if Mr F has a real bee in his bonnet about this venture. if he isnt listening to sound advice from you or your friends then you could have a real problem. a business failing would be a disaster for you and your family.
i work from home and fit in looking after the partners kids who are the messiest laziest pair of teenagers you could ever meet.
i wash, clean, look after the dogs, do every thing round the house (which we,ve just moved into so has had afull going over) and try to run a business as well, on top of the extra work i do at the pub. i did all of this without complaint until recently, but i'm sick of the lack of appreciation shown.
cant really give you any solid advice on how to deal with this dilemma though. it sounds as if Mr F has a real bee in his bonnet about this venture. if he isnt listening to sound advice from you or your friends then you could have a real problem. a business failing would be a disaster for you and your family.
Hi stevie,kick.I just dont think he honestly has a clue how much I do.Before we met his ex was the laziest person ever,she paid various people to do lawn,her ironing,got takeaways every night and so I guess he's never seen how a home is meant to be run.But you're right,there's only so much you can do without snapping......
Do you mind me asking what sort of business it is exactly and why he's so sure it'll succeed and why you so sure it'll fail because clearly one of you is going to be 100% wrong.
If you refuse to co-operate without him coming round to your way of thinking he might completely re-evaluate your relationship and that could spell disatser in more ways than merely financial and if he pushes this without your co-operation you're setting yourself up as the fall guy if it fails.
I don't know what your bf is like as a person and I'm certainly not saying he's right and that this will work as I've no idea of the logistics but it's true that if you want to succeed meaningfully in any business then you work for sod all for months, get home at ridiculous o'clock and MAKE it work and if it isn't working diversify until it does. He may see this as acceptable and you may not, or you may be right and it might just be an unworkable pig in a poke, but as a man myself whose expected a huge amount from my wife over the years with regards to business and keeping my family going etc, I think that all he's doing is what he thinks is best and that he'll feel amazingly betrayed that you doubt his judgement on this and that you are not prepared to support him in it. If you take your protest to the bedroom that's ridiculous and he'll feel hurt , got at and excluded. You have to talk to him and persuade him otherwise or I think this could become very nasty if he feels you're holding him back which is how he will feel if he's not convinced himself it will fail. You have to convince him, simple as, nothing else will work that won't damage your relationship long term.
If you refuse to co-operate without him coming round to your way of thinking he might completely re-evaluate your relationship and that could spell disatser in more ways than merely financial and if he pushes this without your co-operation you're setting yourself up as the fall guy if it fails.
I don't know what your bf is like as a person and I'm certainly not saying he's right and that this will work as I've no idea of the logistics but it's true that if you want to succeed meaningfully in any business then you work for sod all for months, get home at ridiculous o'clock and MAKE it work and if it isn't working diversify until it does. He may see this as acceptable and you may not, or you may be right and it might just be an unworkable pig in a poke, but as a man myself whose expected a huge amount from my wife over the years with regards to business and keeping my family going etc, I think that all he's doing is what he thinks is best and that he'll feel amazingly betrayed that you doubt his judgement on this and that you are not prepared to support him in it. If you take your protest to the bedroom that's ridiculous and he'll feel hurt , got at and excluded. You have to talk to him and persuade him otherwise or I think this could become very nasty if he feels you're holding him back which is how he will feel if he's not convinced himself it will fail. You have to convince him, simple as, nothing else will work that won't damage your relationship long term.
It's amazing how your partner can be oblivious to all you do if you don't constantly point it out to them. My b/f is very similar. He washes the dishes and then needs praise for it, whereas I see it as a task that just gets done and that's it. He tried having a dig at me the other week for being lazy. He now only has one nut!!!! hahahaha! He didn't stop to think how his clothes magically appear clean and in his wardrobe. Those darn laundry fairies must've beat me to it again.
Let's all go on strike and then see how they cope!
Let's all go on strike and then see how they cope!
nox - I was joking about the bedroom thing!!
He wants to open a cybercafe.He mentioned this a year ago and I did a lot of research for him about what to charge per hour etc etc,looked at other similar ones,and for what you earn it simply isnt worth it.You would have to be open 24/7 and be packed to break even.We have had one in town here which failed for this very reason.We live in a rural area,not london,and even all the local libraries offer free internet access.Thats why!!
He wants to open a cybercafe.He mentioned this a year ago and I did a lot of research for him about what to charge per hour etc etc,looked at other similar ones,and for what you earn it simply isnt worth it.You would have to be open 24/7 and be packed to break even.We have had one in town here which failed for this very reason.We live in a rural area,not london,and even all the local libraries offer free internet access.Thats why!!
I thought you said 'Cyber Safe'. As in a cyber equivalent of a lockable safe that you keep cash in. I was thinking, "how the hell do you provide a safe in the virtual world?". It took me a few minutes before I re-read it! hahahaha!
I used to live in Marlow, which is a small, quaint, bustling town which attracts lots of visitors at the weekend. A Starbucks coffee shop opened up a cuppla years back and it's so popular that people queue outside to get in! A caf� is a great idea if you can research the need for such in your town. The internet access is simply an add-on and the income from that alone will not cover the cost of running the caf�.
Do you fancy going into business with me, Fuzz? I'm opening the first High Street fronted dominatrix shop! :o)
I used to live in Marlow, which is a small, quaint, bustling town which attracts lots of visitors at the weekend. A Starbucks coffee shop opened up a cuppla years back and it's so popular that people queue outside to get in! A caf� is a great idea if you can research the need for such in your town. The internet access is simply an add-on and the income from that alone will not cover the cost of running the caf�.
Do you fancy going into business with me, Fuzz? I'm opening the first High Street fronted dominatrix shop! :o)
hiya Pink, well for what it's worth I'm in agreement with you that an internet cafe is never going to roll in big bucks especially for the effort it'll entail, but some rural coffee houses that have internet access as Champagne said do really well. We used to live near Ledbury which is a quiet little rural town and one opened there which was brilliant, but they were a really nice cafe, with internet but also a meeting place where they let people free of charge run their clubs, like book clubs, local theatrical people etc and it's really thriving, but as you say if it's just a bog standard internet cafe I can't see it generating a lot either long or short term.Just try and gently have a talk to him, he's maybe just got a bit fixed about the idea. It's not easy being a man either, you sort of give yourself an expectation to be a brilliant, succeed at all costs, businessman because you sort of feel it's expected of you and it's all too easy to just go the blinkered route of deciding what's happening for everyone else without always realising the effect it'll have.Hope you get it sorted with him.
Wahey Champers - count me in!!
Seriously,where I live isnt quaint,its deserted!!
He has a fulltime consultancy job,whilst also running another business which I do most of the work for,We are in the middle of a lengthy court case over his ex/money/child.Solicitors bills are through the roof - he couldnt pick a worse time if he tried.We live inbetween 3 towns,all of which are dead,apart from market days.They all have normal cafe's and coffee shops anyway so they don't need another one.And as he cant run it in day,and nor can i ,and my friend wont work for that money,and he wont /cant pay a standard wage - do you see what I mean??
Seriously,where I live isnt quaint,its deserted!!
He has a fulltime consultancy job,whilst also running another business which I do most of the work for,We are in the middle of a lengthy court case over his ex/money/child.Solicitors bills are through the roof - he couldnt pick a worse time if he tried.We live inbetween 3 towns,all of which are dead,apart from market days.They all have normal cafe's and coffee shops anyway so they don't need another one.And as he cant run it in day,and nor can i ,and my friend wont work for that money,and he wont /cant pay a standard wage - do you see what I mean??
