Not supportive enough???

[PinkFizz]

I am in a bit of a dilemma.My partner works long hours and I also work from home as well as run a family.He has now come up with a business idea/plan which would involve opening premises about half hour from us.In order to do this he needs my total backing in helping out at this new venture every day for at least 4 hours,with almost no pay till it took off.He then wants me to ask a close friend to do the same for a few hours a day,and then he plans to drive from work at 6pm to this premises and manage the evening shift till 10/11 pm and then come home!! Apart from the fact that it needs quite a bit of capital to start up,which he has but with all the other family problems going on he really should be keeping it for future solicitor costs,I simply don't want to do this as I dont think the venture will make any money,and I have enough on my plate at the mo,without adding to it.And I truly think it is a business that will not make any money whatsoever. I have tried to tell him this but he keeps saying "nothing ventured nothing gained".And he cannot do this without me.I have discusssed this with a friend and she knows of an almost identical business nearby which failed dismally after 3 months but still this hasn't put him off.Now im getting the "I thought you would support me" looks. What on earth do I do??

[China Doll]

Awwww... sorry to hear it hun.

For what its worth I don't think this sounds like a good idea. For a start your other half will be dead on his feet with all the hours and you'll never see each other, at least not at home!

I don't know what you should do, if you've already told him exactly what you think and your worries and concerns about what it might do to your home life you might have to just hope that he's just going through a bit of a phase!

Is there anyone he's influenced by that he'd listen to that you could rope in for support?

[Dolly1308]

Just tell him straight out you have enough on your plate without any extra work and as for expecting you to ask a friend to work for nothing I think he's got a damned cheek . When he is not paying you or your friend is he going to stop going out for a drink with his mates .Don't be such a doormat Pinkfizz. Let him look at you all he likes but don't give in over this ,you have to be considered as much as he expects to be .Sorry if this sounds harsh but I don't like men who put on their women .

[PinkFizz]

No,he is a stubborn little beggar and if he thinks he can make it work thats all he wants to know.Im already practically running one of his other companies at the moment,and barely get paid for that,but as its from home I don;t mind too much.But don't think he realised that I also have to do current job,then school runs,washing,cooking,hoovering,cleaning,mow the lawn,all the decorating etc.....
I just dont want to do this,but I feel guilty as he is soo keen on this.

[mccfluff]

ooh not a good situation to be in, I know you've spoken to your friend but really before you start any business market research needs to be carried out and i think if he needs to go to the bank for any start up cash they would insist ont his being part of the business plan, can you suggest that to him? if you could prove that their isn't a market for what he's trying to do maybe he will listen

[Champagne]

Stand your ground, PinkFizz, that's what you do.

If he thinks you're being selfish in not supporting him then that's a very immature attitude. But he would be selfish to make you commit to something that you absolutely have no faith or interest in. It's one thing being a partnership but you shouldn't have to sacrafice your own identity or do EVERYTHING together.

I also think it's cheeky of him ask a close friend to work for nothing. That will inevitably lead to disaster. It's okay asking you to do it for nothing, as you both reap the rewards as a 'unity', but again, this is YOUR choice.

[PinkFizz]

Hi Mcfluff.He doesnt need to go to the bank unfortunately.He just has this belief that he can do this venture in a better way similar premises and even if he could,I just dont want to do this.He wants to offer to pay my friend a nominal amount till it is on its feet but she has a family as well.He is in cloud cuckoo land at the moment.

[China Doll]

Sounds really stupid but....

Any chance you could get him to do a day in the life of you type thing? Then maybe he could actually see how hard you work and why this is just not an option as you already have too much on your plate?

[PinkFizz]

lol China.Good idea but not a cat in hells chance!! he wouldnt refuse but would probably think that half the things I do aren't necessary.I don't think for one sec that I do any different to any other woman,but like a lot of men he doesn't see half of it - like me ironing at 6 am when its quiet so that I can then get son ready for school and come straight home to go to the office I have here and start on my work,then nipping in kitchen to wash up,sort dinner etc.....aggggghhhhhh.......

[mccfluff]

if that's the case then i think as the others have said you need to stand your ground and it really isn't fair to expect your friend to work for a nominal amount and would she?

[ugly_bob]

try getting him to put off the idea for a while. until things settle down (will they?) a bit

[Champagne]

Pinky, this isn't the first time he's asked too much of you. Get tough on his ass girl!!

[PinkFizz]

I admit its hard being superwoman and a sexkitten!!!

[PinkFizz]

Seriously,I don't want to fall out with him but surely he must realise that he's being unrealistic.

[redcrx]

Just say no and that you think the venture would fail, as a lot do in this area and has been proven already with similar venture.
Tell him that you have a full time and a part time job already and that it wouldnt be fair on the children, your young son and his daughter. especially. He cant honestly expect you to do all this for him. Ok so he prepared to work 2 jobs but he cant expect you to as well.

[kick3m0n]

Hi Pink! I have to say, reading through your post and all teh replies, what comes acorss to me is that HE isn't actually supportive enough of you, not vice versa. He asks an awful lot, and you are easily doing the job of two people already. yet instead of taking that into consideration, and thanking you for ALL you do, he's asking for even more. Even without your concerns about family issues/solicitors etc, this is clearly not a good time to start up a new business for you. If I were you, I'd be getting VERY annoyed that my feelings on this are not being taken on board. Your support is being asked for, but your opinion ignored, and that just ain't fair sweetie. When does he support YOU?? What you do is stick to your guns. He can't do it without you, end of. take care babes, hoping this works out for you. xxx

[China Doll]

It's looking like you're going to have to stand your ground here girl... either that or tell him to make a go of it by all means and you'll support his venture but that you can not physically be involved in it as you have too much work to do.

[PinkFizz]

You're all right.I don't think he deliberatelylets me do so much - but as I was a single parent for quite a while I got used to doing everything myself round the house and garden,and so when we got together I carried on.If I actually ask him to do something ie could you cook tonight,then he will,but when I suggest things like cutting the lawn he just tells me to pay someone to do it!! Which is daft.But then yesterday he left work 3 hours early without me asking him to,to turn up at my son's sports day,and I hadnt expected him to as he works so far away from the school.

[Champagne]

I'm loving kick3m0m's advice.

Okay, so he obviously is very helpful in tasks that he enjoys doing, and doesn't want to do the ones he doesn't enjoy, which is like most people Pink. I'm sure he's a nice, supportive guy in a lot of respects as I know you're not a stupid woman and wouldn't settle for a tyrant. But regardless of how determined or stubborn he is you should not feel obliged to back down in these sorts of situations. If you do, and then things go wrong, you know that he will hold you partly to blame and it will put a strain on your relationship. And anyway, it's HIS business venture. He's a grown up and is quite capable to doing things by himself. If he does not have the means to work the hours required or employ staff to do so then he should be reviewing his situation.

[Champagne]

Well this thread certainly ended abruptly! Was it something I said?

[PinkFizz]

lol,no,I think we all dived over to help Loopy!!