How Do I Tell My Parents Nicely To Stop Coming To My House Uninvited

[gordiescotland1]

Hi there I am having problems with my relationships with my parents. They are very interfering and controlling and try to disguise this as being helpful. They live less than 2 miles from me in the same town and continually invade my privacy by going into my house uninvited when they know I am out. This morning I told my parents I was meeting my aunt and uncle for coffee and I went out and had a nice time. I came back, they had been in my house, tidied my house and looked at my mail that I had left lying out, and I think this is inappropriate. Last time we had a major falling out was when my phone had been restricted to incoming calls but I was going to sort that out my mother phoned Sky, paid the bill and changed the payment over to her r all when I was out, I obviously had changed the password since and got it transferred back to my name. It was a previous cat we both had !! I asked for my keys back and then for weeks my mother told me that I have diabetes and AF and what if something happened like a heart attack or a stroke I might not get to a phone and I could die alone, so I gave her the keys back and gave in I asked them not to use them unless it is an emergency but obviously this morning was not an emergency. How do I deal with this, apart from changing the locks which is a bit dramatic and expensive?

[Cloverjo]

Oh my lord, gordie. This isn't just about your parents entering your house. They are taking over your life.
Do you have a job? It's not hard to live within your means.

[gordiescotland1]

Kvaldir I lived away from home until 29 from 18 then I came back and ended up being admitted to a psychiatric hospital due to a bi-polar episode for 9 months and since then they have always worried about me. I got a flat 15 nmiles from them and I have moved twice since then in the same town. The problems really got worse when my parents moved less than 2 miles away from me 3 years ago. I really want to have a mature relationship with them as I feel this is quite dysfunctional, I know that shouting at them not going to help because I do that a lot. When I sit down and talk to them I feel they dont listen so maybe I could write to them not email them and explain how I am feeling

[Mamyalynne]

As Kval asks above and leaving aside the door key issue for a moment, if they stopped all other assistance could you cope or would you end up in a financial mess again?

You need to come up with a plan that suits you all but still allows you your privacy.

[Mamyalynne]

We've crossed there.

[gordiescotland1]

I need to manage my money I have taken over paying my own phone bill and done that succesfully and I am paying my own cleaner. I pay for my gas and electricity by prepayment meters I know its a bit more expensive but I dont get into debt with it. I am a compulsive shopper I buy things I dont really need and in the end want. Just in the middle of the night I thought I could get a bit of paper laminated and put it in my wallet when I am out. NEED acronym N-Is it necessary E-Is It Essential E-Will I really enjoy this if I get it and D-Delay- Can I delay buying this for 48 hours. I have at least 100 dvds unopened. including 2 Confessions of a shopaholic seriously?

[snowshoe1]

WOW!!! THIS IS A PROBLEMS FOR SURE. YOUR PARENT NEED TO LET YOU KNOW WHEN THEY ARE COMING OVER, AND NOT JUST SHOW UP. WHEN YOUR NOT AT HOME AND GOING IN ISN'T RIGHT AT ALL.THEY NEED TO REALIZE YOU ARE ALL GROW UP, AND CAN TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. GOING THREW YOUR MAIL IS A MAJOR NO NO. ASK THEM HOW THEY WOULD FEEL IF YOU WENT THREW THEIR MAIL. THEY WOULD LIKE IT ON BIT.

[waterboatman]

Tell them you appreciate all they have done, but please don't go in if you are not there, unless you have asked them to. If they continue, you will have to change the lock and not give them a key. It's a five minute job.

[emmie]

change the locks, you are a grown man, get on with it and tell them that they are being controlling in a way you don't find acceptable.