Boarding School

[Malachite]

The mother of my 11 year old Godson is trying to get him into a boarding school and I'm not happy with it.
A little background:
I've known and been a close friend to her for 26 years and my Godson since birth, I have been minding him 1-3 days a week since he was about 5. She and the father split up when my Godson was a toddler. His father is quite distant from him and their relationship is not very good. The connection between her and the father is very acrimonious.

I have always had issues with boarding schools since I was an army brat and this was a popular choice due the constant moves as a result of being posted to different places.
My parents chose not to have myself and my brother sent to boarding school and the thought of such a thing was horrific to me as our family was (and still is) fairly close knit.
She says she is doing it because she thinks it will be good for him, it is a private school and is quite "sports" orientated and my godson is quite athletic. I think that she is pushing him away because he is entering adolescence and she (as a single parent) can't handle the prospect of it getting difficult even with my input, they are very close but he is already getting a bit stroppy and uncooperative at times.
She has said that even if he doesn't settle and has a hard time she is going to tell him him "tough, you have to get on with it".
I am very fretful about this because I think he will take it as a rejection and it seems to me almost like sending him off to foster parents. Besides, I will miss him and I know he will miss me.

Thoughts?

[Rockrose]

It to sound harsh but it’s not really anything to do with you, boarding school is an amazing opportunity as a RAF brat it was a lifeline in stability

[ladybirder]

I went to boarding school at age 11 and hated it. For about two weeks. Then I got used to it and loved it. Plus it gave me an excellent education that I have appreciated all my life.
You say she's a loving mother so my guess would be if he's really unhappy after giving it a fair trial then she will remove him.
He really should give it a go and I think you should support him Malachite. I hope it goes well.

[murraymints]

let him go..if he hates it he can come back, but it may well be the making of him and the birth of many strong lifelong friendships...

[rowanwitch]

If he is athletic and it's a sports oriented school he may well have a good time and be popular. You can provide support letters, e-mails, and maybe the odd weekend break if his mother permits. Sounds to me like his mother is investing all her emotional energy into him and it might be good for both of them. She can still give him all her love and attention during the holidays unless of course he ends up going away with new friends, school sports tours, (friends son ended up going to play cricket in Sri Lanka for three weeks)

[Jackdaw33]

My first teaching job was at an independent school which was a mixture of boarders and day boys, where I lived in. I thoroughly enjoyed it and I never saw an unhappy boy.

[bednobs]

i am really with RR here - its absolutely none of your business what the parents chose to do about educating the son. He/she doesnt need "your blessing" either

[NellieMay]

My son went to boarding school at 12. He has a choice and chose boarding school. He loved it from day 1. Made loads of friends from all sorts of places. Received a terrific education and it made him into a very confident young man. We still retained a great relationship.

[NellieMay]

And agree with Bednobs. It really is none of your business. You may miss him, but guarantee thst he wont miss you. He will be far too busy enjoying all those new experiences and growing up!

[Canary42]

You won't like this answer, but I think you're giving your own wants too great a priority in making up your mind.

If the mother is such a "great friend" you should consider her point of view more sympathetically.

[jno]

give your opinion (without claiming she's forcing him into it, which you don't know) and then step out of it. Giving advice is what godparents are for; overriding parents isn't.

Boarding school, like any other school, may be good or bad. Have you tried finding out the record of the school in question? And what does the boy think? You say he tends to do as he's told, which isn't necessarily a bad thing.

My one worry would be her claim that if he doesn't like it she's going to tell him to shut up and get on with it. That sounds very obstinate for a supposedly loving mother.

[Malachite]

For the people telling me it's "none of your business" you don't know my history with this child. His mother has MADE it my business by purposely involving me in his upbringing. His father has very little to do with him.
Bedknobs ...you have no idea about the amount of involvement I have been INVITED to bring to my Godson's life.

[Malachite]

TY jno, as it happens, he's only going to be a weekly boarder so this whole thread is based on a bit of an over reaction on my part. I thought she was shipping him off for full boarding, only out during half term/holidays. Oops!
Thanks to all all for the constructive feedback.

[bednobs]

Your are absolutely right I don't know your relationship why would I? You asked for thoughts not for thoughts that agree with your thoughts. There really is no need to be so utterly rude and abusive when people have taken time to give you their thoughts as requested. You might want to look at your answer yesterday at 330 for the your blessing comment you are adamant you didn't make

[douglas9401]

"Malachite is a crystal known for its powerful properties that promote healing transformations."

So there. :-)

[steg]

It also rhymes with jobbies

[Rockrose]

//he has my blessing. //
Just in case you struggle to find it.

[ABSpareEditor]

This thread is now closed.