Would You Go If You Where In My Shoes

[Yuni]

my mother and aunt share the same birthday. Its in a couple of days and they are going out for dinner they want their kids to attend. The problem is when i was younger i was molested by one of my aunt son i thought i was going to be okay with attending.Truth is i want to attend but i just wont feel comfortable with him being there? Its as if i am still expected to attend its my moms birthday i love her dearly but i dont want to go down that rabbit hole. its like i should be over it why else would my aunt suggested it plus i havent told her i am not attend

[bednobs]

I honestly don't know what I'd do in your shoes but I hope I'd do what was best for me. You speak as if the aunt knows all about it.

[waterboatman]

I think you should tell your mum and your aunt what you have posted on here. They need to know why you don't want to go. You are not in the wrong, so why should you pay?

[ummmm]

You've done nothing wrong. Attend if you can handle it and hold your head high and make him feel awkward!

[MallyJ]

Something similar happened to me as a child but I never told anyone...It seems as if your aunt and mother know what happened to you so if you really don't feel you can face him then talk to your mother and explain that you don't want to spend time in your abusers company but make a time on your mums birthday to see her away from your wider kin. I also suggest that you seek some counselling very soon.

[johnk]

What would happen if you gave him a good smack if he tried anything, could you do that?

[bhg481]

How old are you? How old is your cousin? How long ago did the incident take place? All these facts are relevant. If you were 8, he was 11 and it happened 25 years ago it's not the same as you being 25, him 26 and it happened last year. Without such information it's impossible to recommend what you should do.

[rowanwitch]

Go, you can be strong enough to face him. Make sure your mum understands the whole picture and let her speak to your Aunt on your behalf. If you go you stop being his victim and you can be polite for your families sake. One day you will be able to tell him how you felt and what a piece of scum he is but not yet. He might not even turn up.

[johnk]

Good advice from Rowan.

[Yuni]

Thank you for the advices he told his mother I was the one that iniate it I was 9 when it started and 12 when it ended for a long time I thought it was my fault at 26 I am just trying to get controll of my life never have I had a boyfriend or have done anything physical. It's easy for people to say forgive him maybe I can but I just don't want to be in his presence it's alot more to say I just can't express it

[spathiphyllum]

People grow, and regret. Forgiveness may be on the table, but if you'd rather avoid the situation completely, then you're 26.. you can do as you wish and that's fine! Simply explain the situation to your mother.

[ducksie]

I would go, if he said that you initiated it at the age of nine, if he said that over a decade ago, you were only young adult and the mothers were worst to believe him, you are now a young woman, if you felt strong enough with the help of friend or supportive family member, I would contact him, I would soberly look him in the face and look tall and strong with an all knowing eye and say, I hope you're not thinking of attending this birthday event, or any event in that manner, you may have pulled the wool over the parent's eyes, but i will have you arrested if you attend any event I am at, I am going to finally do what I couldn't do before, I am going to go to the police about abuse, then I am gonna get counselling, to help me get my mind round why a saddo like you abused the child that i was', you were never going to stay that child, let him know that and just then attend, see will he arrive, he has no interest in you now, you're an adult, who knows, if he's predatory, you might actually be saving another child that is in his reach, I suggest confronting him, with a witness/support, parents obviously don't or didn't understand and hoped it maybe would just go away, it never goes away until you confront the git, you are better than him, much more than you know, he's a sleaze bag, don't let him ruin enjoying your family get together

[bhg481]

You were 9, he was just reaching the age when his hormones were starting to tell him that his willy wasn't just for weeing with. There's little doubt that anyone with more than one working brain cell would believe him over you if you had to carry out your threat to report him. They would also be very understanding of why you didn't make a fuss at the time.