Body & Soul1 min ago
Not a parent...
... but I'd like to ask your opinion as parents. Last night, at 10.30 i got the bus into the centre of town. My mum let me so no problems there. I got to where I was meant to meet my friend to go onto a party, but in the end it turned out I was at the wrong place and we could not get in touch with each other. A friend of mine (who is gay and 8 yrs older than me) lives near to where I was and I rang him and he came and met me so I was not alone. My mum rang me many times but I didn't want to answer as she doesn't like the person I was with. When I did answer she was furious saying I have lied to her and betrayed her trust - I am grounded for a week and not allowed to do ANYTHING except go to work and the gym. Have I really done anything wrong? Sorry it's long tia x
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i think the main problem is that you didn't answer your phone when your mum rang you.
if you had and had explained to her what had happened she may of still been angry with you, especially as she doesn't like your friend, but at least you could of explained that you were honest and by phoning your friend you were being sensible, rather than being on your own.
by not answering your phone she thinks that you are hiding something and being dishonest.
explain this to her, tell her that you know she worries about you and that you understand. say sorry and explain why you did what you did.
she proberly wont take back the punishment but she will hopefully understand why you did what you did.
a week is not that long, except the punishment and next time answer your phone!
if you had and had explained to her what had happened she may of still been angry with you, especially as she doesn't like your friend, but at least you could of explained that you were honest and by phoning your friend you were being sensible, rather than being on your own.
by not answering your phone she thinks that you are hiding something and being dishonest.
explain this to her, tell her that you know she worries about you and that you understand. say sorry and explain why you did what you did.
she proberly wont take back the punishment but she will hopefully understand why you did what you did.
a week is not that long, except the punishment and next time answer your phone!
I agree with Cameo on this. Explain to your mum why you didn't answer and tell her how sorry you are.
My son had/has a friend or two that I didn't like and was never too keen on him seeing, but as a teenager I would have been happier knowing he was with them rather than out there on his own somewhere. Even now he's nearly 23 and lives with his girlfriend, I still worry and fret if I call him and he doesn't seem to be answering, and I usually end up phoning his girlfriend if I can't contact him, just to make sure everything's OK.
It's not until you get your own kids that you realise how much your parents really do worry about you. I was the same at that age and I'm certainly not the only adult who'd say that. No matter how confident you feel or how well you feel you can 'handle yourself' (and my son can do that very well), we sit and fret and imagine all sorts of nightmare scenarios. When things 'go a little wrong', as they just have for you, we are so relieved to know you're OK that we often let out that pent up anxiety as anger and impose penalties that we feel guilty about afterwards. We feel it's a lesson you have to learn in order to be safe in the future. Of course, we can't then revoke the punishment because that would show parental weakness.
My son had/has a friend or two that I didn't like and was never too keen on him seeing, but as a teenager I would have been happier knowing he was with them rather than out there on his own somewhere. Even now he's nearly 23 and lives with his girlfriend, I still worry and fret if I call him and he doesn't seem to be answering, and I usually end up phoning his girlfriend if I can't contact him, just to make sure everything's OK.
It's not until you get your own kids that you realise how much your parents really do worry about you. I was the same at that age and I'm certainly not the only adult who'd say that. No matter how confident you feel or how well you feel you can 'handle yourself' (and my son can do that very well), we sit and fret and imagine all sorts of nightmare scenarios. When things 'go a little wrong', as they just have for you, we are so relieved to know you're OK that we often let out that pent up anxiety as anger and impose penalties that we feel guilty about afterwards. We feel it's a lesson you have to learn in order to be safe in the future. Of course, we can't then revoke the punishment because that would show parental weakness.
Except for not answering your phone, I think you made good choices. The fact that your Mum rang many times suggests to me that she was VERY concerned for your welfare, and was imagining that all kinds of horrible things had happened to you - irrational perhaps - but true. You added fuel to her fire by not speaking to her ... that was inconsiderate. I suggest that a better way forward would be to write down (as a help to you) when you speak to her, and you should speak to her - what your thought process was. Something like: I was faced with a new set of circumstances, I know that I am going to have to deal with stuff like this - so I tried to make the best of a bad lot. As you know __ lives just around the corner from where I was going to meet __. I felt disappointed about the messed up the arrangements, I didn't want to worry you ... I know NOW that not answering the phone was the wrong thing to do and made you worry more : SORRY! Parents are rarely thinking ,what you think they are thinking, I would imagine she want's to shock you with the grounding. Ask what she would have preferred you to do in the situation.
It is a tough time but you are approaching everything from a different place than your Mum she still wants to protect her child (of any age) from the horrible world. However you are young and fearless and up for the challenges the world has to offer - a little consideration goes a long way to bridge that gap ! Try to imagine how you would feel if you were in your Mum's place- she let you go on a bus at night - then she couldn't contact you.
I have two teenagers one is organised and always has their phone, leaves a timeplan on the fridge,then sends text updates to house phone if things change! It's great.. My other child is the opposite and is a constant worry ... so I ask lots of questions, can cause more friction. I would be impressed that he thought to get help from a friend, and would hold this friend in a higher regard too!
It is a tough time but you are approaching everything from a different place than your Mum she still wants to protect her child (of any age) from the horrible world. However you are young and fearless and up for the challenges the world has to offer - a little consideration goes a long way to bridge that gap ! Try to imagine how you would feel if you were in your Mum's place- she let you go on a bus at night - then she couldn't contact you.
I have two teenagers one is organised and always has their phone, leaves a timeplan on the fridge,then sends text updates to house phone if things change! It's great.. My other child is the opposite and is a constant worry ... so I ask lots of questions, can cause more friction. I would be impressed that he thought to get help from a friend, and would hold this friend in a higher regard too!
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