Six Year Old In Disgrace

[Drusilla]

My parents have just returned my six and nine year old daughters from an overnight stay and have given me grave news.

My elder daughter got into an argument with their neighbours son (9), who was picking on her, when my six year old lashed out at him after he pushed my elder girl over. Apparently, there was blood, tears and he's been taken to hospital. The neighbours have threatened to call the police and I'm wondering what the police can possibly do, if anything with a six year old?

I will obviously punish her myself, but I am concerned about police involvement and am definitely expecting a compensation claim. Any advice would be appreciated.

[Coobeastie]

Can't see as the police would get to involved in this. The boy sounds like a bully.

[Drusilla]

I would hope so Coobeastie, but it's a bit of a posh area and money and a nice accent tend to talk where the Met are concerned.

[andy-hughes]

It's highlpy unlikely that the police would get involved in something like this - retrospectively, and with no adult witnesses.

In order to difuse the situation, why not call on the neighbours for a chat. Explain that this is most out of character, and you will be dealing with the matter. Don't get into specifics about punishments. Do not in any way criticise their child - do not under any circumstances get into who did what to whom, who started it, and all that. Keep it simple, keep it brief, and come away.

[Drusilla]

It's my parents neighbours andy, but I think I might have to make a special visit and apologise.

[lynneuk74]

As far as I'm aware you have to be 10 to be 'legally liable'.

That means that the police can do nothing with an under 10. So you can breathe easily on that score.

Maybe it would be better to write rather than visit as you can think more about what you say. Don't admit 'liability' at all though - just say you are sorry the situation ended in the way it did. Would hate them to use any written admission to try to claim money from you.

Sounds like the boy is a spoilt little brat. I know you have to discipline your 6 year old but, to be honest, I'd rather praise her as she stood up for her sister. When so many siblings act as though they hate each others guts that really warms my heart.

I doubt she can have done much damage - probably just mollycoddling him because there was a drop of blood. Some parents just can't see what horrible little bullies their kids are.

Good luck Drusilla and try not to worry - just don't admit anything!!!

[tigerthecat]

Yes you have to be 10 to be responsible criminally. She's 6 - and probably all the fuss thats been made will mean that she never forgets this for the rest of her life. I just hope that it doesn't stop her from intervening in a similar way in the future (put 10 years on their ages). Good for you bringing up such an assertive girl. I'm not saying praise her but remember she is 6 and there is a huge difference between that and 9.

[Lore]

You have to look at it from her point of view too Drusilla.. she was watching her big sister being bullied and obviously, protective instincts took over in the form of rage. She's probably already had a good talking to from your parents, the neighbours probably had a go at her too.. I think you need to be on her side till the whole thing settles down, right now the worlds on her shouders all because she stood up for someone.

You can go into the rights and wrongs of the situation tomorrow e.g. how she could have gone inside to get help from her grandparents etc.. but she needs you Drusilla, she's probably still angry and hurting inside for what this child did to her sister as well as feeling like everybody dislikes her.

[noxlumos]

Drusilla, you've got a grand little girl there, whose obviously brave and her own person. I'm with Lore on this, people who are hers need to be giving her some support. She stuck up for her sister who'd been pushed over by a boy 3 years older than her and now she's becoming the victim because she stood up to a bully.

Give har a cuddle and tell her your proud of her for her bravery, the police won't want to know and couldn't do anything if they did.

[Gnisy]

Threats, threats, threats. all bull.

If i were a police officer and someone were to tell me a 6 year old girl beat the crap out of a 9 year old bully because he pushing her elder sister around, I'd give the little girl a medal. And it's not cause I know her mommy is Drusilla.

The police may need a little more than a cry baby's testimony to throw her in jail but compensation-wise, I'd say just pay the folks and laugh at them while you're at it. You shouldn't be too hard on your little girl as well. At least she actually did something most adults try to avoid doing most of the time. And just because she is a girl, it shouldnt be the reason she should be a pushover. You should let her know how many people are proud of what she did, even though her mommy needs to be the bad guy and make her promise never to do it again.. and get caught doing it.

Best wishes

[Kingaroo]

We are all inclined to cheer on Drusilla's 6 for standing up to an older boy who knocked down her big sister. But what if 6 clonked the boy on the head with a brick (as my little brother did to a neighbor at that age)? What if he had to go to the hospital and get stiches? What if the brick permanently blinded him? Would you still think 6 is such a good brave girl? Are the boy's partents still mollycoddling a hoodlum by asking for compensation?

[Stretts]

I have three boys 9 7 & 5 and have told them if they see one of their brothers being bullied they they must wade in and fight with their brother otherwise they will be in trouble with me - you should be proud of your 6 year old.

[noxlumos]

Actually Kingaroo yeah I would still think she was a brave little girl. Her bravery stems from the fact she chose to tackle someone much older than she was who was bullying someone else and hurting them.In an ideal world all kids would be lovely to each other, and clearly no-one would wish for the nine year old lad to be seriously injured.However it is a fact that nothing stops a bully so quickly as a taste of their own medicine and no-one forced him to bully her sister in the first place.It's his first lesson in cause and effect. As long as she's aware that violence is a last resort then I really don't have problem with her actions.You seem to miss the fact that she's 6 years old and doesn't have the benefit of an adult perspective about imaginary outcomes. She did what she thought was the right thing, you can't ask any more of anyone.

[enigma]

Hear Hear Noxlumos , I could not have put it better myself and I think that your answer just about sums up my sentiment on the matter.I agree with all your points and concur that in an ideal world , all children would be lovely to each other and live in harmony but alas this is most certainly not the case and nasty children are prevalent in every community - regardless of whether or not it is a 'posh area.' Children WILL fight and yes , sometimes some WILL get hurt and that is a sad fact of life but let us hope that it is indeed a lesson well learned for bully boy who may not be as quick to tackle your daughter in the future. My eldest daughter is suffering at the hands of a similar little bully boy who picks on her because she is a quiet shy little girl and also happens to be the new girl in the class. Apparently the boy in question directs his hostility towards girls(especially the quiet ones) rather than the boys , believing them to be easy pickings. I wonder if this was the case with your parents' neighbours' son and if it is then I would say that he certainly met his match in your youngest daughter. Drusilla please do not be too quick to condemn her for acting in what presumably she believed to be her elder sister's best interests. Obviously violence is a last resort but sometimes it IS difficult to walk away - even in the Kenny Rogers song 'Coward of the county' it was difficult to turn the other cheek and the final point made by noxlumos is excellent advice - your daughter IS only six years old and doesn't have the benefit of an adult perspective to analyse the rammifications of her actions. You should be proud of the fact that she loves her sister so dearly that she was driven by her love to protect her and as long as she is aware that violence is only a last resort then really you shouldn't need to worry.

[enigma]

It seems to me that there is a fine line between victims and bullies now and people seem too keen to tiptoe around little thugs in fear of upsetting them. What about the children and teenagers who have taken their own lives as a last resort after enduring endless torment from similar little bullies ? I'll save my tears for them.

[Hgrove]

I think the others have said it all, my feeling is that once your parents' neighbours have had time to think they will realise trying to claim compensation is a waste of time. If they don't realise it themselves, the police will explain it to them, or failing that, they will need to see a solicitor if they want to sue you, and the solicitor will tell them they are wasting their time. I personally could not bring myself to apologise to people whose son attacked one of my children.

[a master]

Just tell the police that it was a mistake fight that got out of hand and that you will be punishing your little girl and it will never happen again and they should let you of with a warning

good luck and i hope i have helped you