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I think I have posted this before.
I had a friend from about 1970. We were like sisters. We phoned every day, met up when we could. She became a JP. It went to her head. Everything I did was not good enough. To tv programmesi watched, "Oh you don't watch that rubbish do you?" The type of pencils I used,
Where I shopped, my daughters degree, (not as good as her daughters) It's a long time ago and I have forgotten a lot of the incidents but I clearly remember the hurt. There was one bad phone call where she really upset me so I just said "this friendship is now over" and I hung up. Never resented finishing it as she was really getting to me and it really affected me. She died about 10 years ago though.
I had a friend from about 1970. We were like sisters. We phoned every day, met up when we could. She became a JP. It went to her head. Everything I did was not good enough. To tv programmesi watched, "Oh you don't watch that rubbish do you?" The type of pencils I used,
Where I shopped, my daughters degree, (not as good as her daughters) It's a long time ago and I have forgotten a lot of the incidents but I clearly remember the hurt. There was one bad phone call where she really upset me so I just said "this friendship is now over" and I hung up. Never resented finishing it as she was really getting to me and it really affected me. She died about 10 years ago though.
Yes ..she was my best friend for a lot of years but in retrospect she was pretty toxic .
I finally called time when she showed zero interest in my upcoming wedding and disrupted the actual day as she couldn’t even put me and my hubby first on our own wedding day .
I still think about it and how it played out but I think as a very patient and loyal person she’d really pushed me too far . I wanted an apology but she refused to admit she’d done anything wrong and acted like the injured party ,so that was that .
I finally called time when she showed zero interest in my upcoming wedding and disrupted the actual day as she couldn’t even put me and my hubby first on our own wedding day .
I still think about it and how it played out but I think as a very patient and loyal person she’d really pushed me too far . I wanted an apology but she refused to admit she’d done anything wrong and acted like the injured party ,so that was that .
I had a friend who regularly presented a string of bizarre illnesses and every time we talked to each other, it always seemed to centre around these illnesses.
I spent quite a few years providing a sympathetic ear, trying to understand but also staying skeptical and non-committal.
As time went on, it was always the same phone call...
Him "Hi, how are u doing?"
Me "Ah not too bad blah blah blah......"
Two or three minutes of me going on about me ...then:
"So how are you?"
"Oh (*sigh*) not too good actually, I've discovered I've got skladoomitty kababah's syndrome"
"Oh dear, have you tried this?"
"Yes but..."
"Have you tried that?"
"Yes, but..."
Then on and on it would go.
Every time he phoned me, it was some new "debilitating" but increasingly unheard of physical condition and the more and more calls I got, the more and more I started to believe that his "illnesses" were psychological, especially as EVERY time I tried to give advice, he would instantly shut it down with some bullet-proof reason why any of my suggestions wouldn't work.
I tried every trick in the book to try and help him, even adding an element of humour ...eg
"I tell you what you've got! HYPERCHONDRIA!!/Oh no! Not that as well!!"
This worked for a while but each call became more and more doom laden, to the point that I started to believe that I was being manipulated into playing some sort of sick game with this guy. The latest "illness" was some bizarre sound sensitivity thing that meant he could not leave the house, or do this or that or the other.
In the end, having ignored quite a lot of phone calls from him, I made some quip on Facebook about cold callers and using a referee whistle and he blew his top at me. It was at THIS point that I'd had enough and I told him exactly what I thought, not in too many words, but enough. He sent me a rude PM and I unfriended him.
The I received a PM from him saying something about being ignored followed by "Ciao" (as in: goodbye forever).
Conclusion: I can help some people, but not all.
I spent quite a few years providing a sympathetic ear, trying to understand but also staying skeptical and non-committal.
As time went on, it was always the same phone call...
Him "Hi, how are u doing?"
Me "Ah not too bad blah blah blah......"
Two or three minutes of me going on about me ...then:
"So how are you?"
"Oh (*sigh*) not too good actually, I've discovered I've got skladoomitty kababah's syndrome"
"Oh dear, have you tried this?"
"Yes but..."
"Have you tried that?"
"Yes, but..."
Then on and on it would go.
Every time he phoned me, it was some new "debilitating" but increasingly unheard of physical condition and the more and more calls I got, the more and more I started to believe that his "illnesses" were psychological, especially as EVERY time I tried to give advice, he would instantly shut it down with some bullet-proof reason why any of my suggestions wouldn't work.
I tried every trick in the book to try and help him, even adding an element of humour ...eg
"I tell you what you've got! HYPERCHONDRIA!!/Oh no! Not that as well!!"
This worked for a while but each call became more and more doom laden, to the point that I started to believe that I was being manipulated into playing some sort of sick game with this guy. The latest "illness" was some bizarre sound sensitivity thing that meant he could not leave the house, or do this or that or the other.
In the end, having ignored quite a lot of phone calls from him, I made some quip on Facebook about cold callers and using a referee whistle and he blew his top at me. It was at THIS point that I'd had enough and I told him exactly what I thought, not in too many words, but enough. He sent me a rude PM and I unfriended him.
The I received a PM from him saying something about being ignored followed by "Ciao" (as in: goodbye forever).
Conclusion: I can help some people, but not all.
I also let a friend go that had been a friend of the family on and off for about 40 years. My parents lost touch with him but he kept contact with me (shared musical/performance interests). When my parents were friends with him in the 70s I was about 12/13 and I idolised him because he was (and still is) one cracking guitarist who had connections with a very famous band, he taught me quite a lot of guitar technique and he kept some contact with me, up until fairly recently. We were friends on social media and last April, I lost my Mum and this was very apparent on social media. When my Mum's funeral was announced, I made a post on social media and linked him in. There was nothing from him, not a message of condolence nor any acknowledgement of the funeral ...NOTHING whatsoever, though I noticed that he had been constantly active and online at that time.
He was friends with both of my parents and many times said he would like to re-establish contact with them and he never did, even when Mum died. So he's history. Stupid bloody prat.
He was friends with both of my parents and many times said he would like to re-establish contact with them and he never did, even when Mum died. So he's history. Stupid bloody prat.
Malachite - that's sad about the so called 'friend' who didn't acknowledge your Mum's passing and I can well understand why you would want him out of your life. It brought back a memory of my beloved Mum's funeral when one person in particular I thought would come and he didn't show. There were two excuses, one, he wasn't well and then two, he's been to enough funerals in his lifetime - so which was it ?? He is a relative by marriage and I felt utterly snubbed on my Mum's behalf. I also know he wasn't ill, as I found out much later. He is out of my life now and I hope I never, ever have to see him again.
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