Relationships And Heart-Break

[tiggerblue10]

I was with Little Tiggs' dad on and off for 12 years even though he lived near Southend, Essex, and I in South London. We broke up when Little Tiggs was little as he met someone nearer to him. After a year they broke up and several months later we got back together again.

Two years ago I found out that he was seeing someone else and we broke up again. He then stopped seeing her in September 18 and stupidly, on my part, we got back together for over a year. He has now (just before Xmas) told me that they're back together again and I'm quite heart-broken.

Distance is definitely a factor for him and he is constantly saying that we are too far apart to form any kind of long-lasting relationship. He lives with his mum who, despite being very active and independent, relies on him for a lot of things, which is understandable. He also says that he would never in a million years want to move to my current area which again is understandable. It's not very nice. Hoping to move to a nicer, quieter area over the coming year.

As I said, I'm quite heart-broken and it has been a difficult Xmas. If it wasn't for Little Tiggs we could've just ended and I would never need to see him again. Sadly that isn't the case.

I've got a few things to focus on such as putting my house on the market and moving but the pain is still with me.

How do you switch your feelings off?

[Barmaid]

You don't switch your feelings off. You can as much control your feelings as you can walk on water.

It's ok to hurt. But in time the pain will lessen. Get stuck into house moving etc.

But do one nice thing a day for you.

[Cloverjo]

You can’t switch your feelings off, Tiggs.
It’s horrible but you just have to accept it. I have some idea of how you’re feeling. Now, I wouldn’t be with my son’s dad if he was the last man on Earth.
You’ll get there.

[rowanwitch]

You learn and move on. It gets easier.

[Mozz71]

You can't turn them off Tiggs, but you have got to stop being a doormat. Not just for your sanity, but for little Tiggs too (I don't know how little they are though!).

Have some you time. Don't let him treat you like dirt.

[Tilly2]

I know it's not easy but finding someone who treats you better would be a step in the right direction. Think ahead, not back.

[Bobbisox1]

Just tell yourself you’re worth much more than this, write down the negatives then the positives in the relationship , you know what the answer is Tiggs, much luck for you and little Tiggs

[Prudie]

When I was in a similar situation no amount of friend's advice and positive thinking would help at all, I would not, actually could not, listen (and I grew to understand why some women stay with destructive or abusive partners). Sorry you are going through this but for your sake I hope he never tries to get back with you - that will be your start to mending. It will hurt like hell but you will get through it and one day be with someone who loves you and then you will be over it in the main. If it helps at all it's a rare few who haven't been through a major heartbreak. Sending you hugs anyway!

[ladybirder]

Tiggs, I'm so sorry, you must feel dreadful but I have to ask, are you planning on moving nearer to him?

[Tilly2]

Hello, LB. I hope you are feeling better. (Sorry, Tiggs)

[ladybirder]

Hi Tilly, getting there (very) slowly thank you. Won't know what they found until 21st Jan when I see the surgeon who did the op. Want to know but dreading it at the same time. Thanks for asking. Excuse us Tiggs.

[tiggerblue10]

It is a horrible feeling knowing what he has been doing with her and I feel so alone at the moment. I just don't feel like I could meet anyone else. I very rarely go out. I was on a dating site after the first time we broke up around 6 years ago. All the guys who I liked were only after one thing. Maybe I'm destined to be alone.

No, Ladybirder. Hoping to move further south of where I am now. Surrey/Kent way. That would be further away from him.

[Patsy33]

Nothing left to add, trigger, except to wish you emotional strength so you can move on make a better life for you and family. Best wishes. (( hugs))

[albaqwerty]

Tiggs, look at what you've written as dis-passionately as you can (which will probably be zero, understandable)
He seems to be the type who will use you as fall-back when his world goes awry with his lady-friends and probably thinks you won't say no to him because of little Tiggs.
Please start saying no to him for your own sanity and well-being.
You will hurt but it will ease xx

[ladybirder]

Good for you Tiggs. I wish you a happy life in your new home. You will move on from this in time, one day the sun will shine for you again. xx

[albaqwerty]

Hope you get somewhere lovely for you and little Tiggs.

Wait until you're settled and then look for clubs to join or charities to volunteer at and make friends, who knows where one of those friendshps could lead? :-) x

[tiggerblue10]

There is a secondary school I'm putting Little Tiggs down for in the area I'm hoping to move to so that's one of the main reasons for moving. The schools nearer to me are not rated well.

I guess I'm now coming to terms with what has happened as I have written down. I wouldn't have been able to do that last week.

Thanks all xx

[Old_Geezer]

Nothing much to add to that above, but wish you best of luck finding acceptance and moving on. One doesn't have to be in a relationship, but don't rule out the possibility. If it's in your future then you'll get there. If not, then there's freedom to please oneself as an independent person, especially with the rest of your family. It's ok either way.

[tiggerblue10]

Thanks again all xx