Too Harsh On 5 Year Old?

[Kathdoug76]

My 5 year old daughter was very naughty last night. I had asked her to move her noisy toy from being near me to nearer to her. She absolutely hit the roof. She started throwing her toys, plate of flood at me. She fit me full force on my back which really hurts.
She also picked up her Annabel car carrier and throw it against our glass door! I told her not to do this but she just went ahead.
After she had calmed down we asked her to tidy up the mess she had made. She eventually did.
She apologised for her behaviour - as always - she apologises but then still behaves the same.
As a consequence we have confiscated her favourtie doll.
She has a birthday party this afternoon from 4 to 6pm. I told her last night she does not deserve to go.
Would it be too harsh to not let her go?
I feel she is old enough to have consequences for such naughty behaviour.
She is quite an intelligent 5 year old.
If i don't take her to the party, her friend will still receive the gift we bought.
I would be grateful for opinions please and please only helpful comments appreciated.

[ummmm]

And btw...most 5 year olds are intelligent.

[MallyJ]

If she is not punished in a way that affects her then she will continue this behaviour safe in the knowledge that she can do what she likes and will not have to suffer consequences of her actions...this is not a good way to grow up as I can just imagine her as a teenager if he behaviour is not checked now. I would not let her go to the pary and would explain again why....the gift can be passed on to the birthday girl anyway.

[Kathdoug76]

Can I just add - the situation was dealt with. She was sent to her room and we taught her to breath in and out and to count to ten - which doed calm her down.
I've made my decision. She's not going to the party and I owe have explained this to her and reasons why. She did cry and apologised for her actions.
She is as good as gold at school and most of the time at home.

[New Judge]

//I've made my decision. She's not going to the party...//

I think that is extremely wise. She'll get over it and hopefully the sanction will pay dividends.

[Cloverjo]

Good decision, Kath Doug.

[ummmm]

Good for you, Kath.

Things don't get better. I was still chucking my kids out of the living room in their teens :-D

[Old_Geezer]

A smack wouldn't have been harsh at all. It would have made the link between the misbehaviour and punishment clear, and have got it over with quickly. But society apparently wants to encourage bad behaviour these days so depending on where you are you either aren't allowed or you get folk disapproving of you doing your job well. I suspect next time you will have made clear what the punishment would be in advance and so not have a dilemma.

[ummmm]

A smack....that will cure bad behaviour...oh, wait a second!!

That's lazy parenting OG, simple as that.

[Apc2604]

A smack doesn't stop bad behaviour in any way. Most children I know who were for ever getting smacked just got used to it and accepted it as normal and carried on misbehaving. A lot of those children also accepted that hitting someone is acceptable and hit out themselves. The OP has done the sensible thing.

[bednobs]

the problem is that children model behaviour from their parents. Therefore if you get shouty and hit them, they think that is the way to deal with thing and become shouty and hitty.

[jno]

like Prudie says, I'd be looking into what causes this. Kids get overexcited by many things but hitting and throwing food goes beyond my definition of a normal tantrum.

Might be something medical, might be behaviour she's picked up from you or other people, but in your shoes I'd want to know why.

[Kathdoug76]

Hitting is definately not the solution. Hitting will only teach the child that hitting is ok. It would most probably confuse the child also.
I am telling her not to hit, yet for me to hit her!? Definately not the right advice there.

[ladybirder]

Well done Kath. Absolutely the right decision. I hope she learns from it. xx

[Apc2604]

My Mum had a short temper and would often smack for very little reason. She was a good, caring mum but quite exlosive. I got that I could predict her smacks and would lock myself in the loo until she cooled down. I wasn't a naughty child, thinking back all those years, but if I argued my case she would get furious and smack. I can honestly say I can't smack or hit anybody, except I suppose in self defence.

[Old_Geezer]

From the OP it's clear that not hitting teaches that it's ok to hit.

[andy-hughes]

At five, I think punishment should be instant, so the child is aware of the behaviour for which she is being punished.

I think 'distant' punishments, even the day after, run the risk of not being connected in the child's mind, leading to genuine confusion and mixed messages which are counter-productive.

Yes she needs to understand that bad behaviour has bad consequences, and you should ensure that she has this explained to her in a calm time after the behaviour and punishment have passed.

[andy-hughes]

I believe a golden rule, in fact the first rule, or parenting is consistency.

Never threaten a punishment you are not willing to commit to, and never fail to punish at the time and in the way you said you would.

This will educate your child that bad behaviour has consequences, and stop the bad behaviour after a warning, which is the response you are aiming for.

Saying and not doing makes your child confused, and will cause more issues.

[jourdain2]

I think you've made the right decision; never issue an empty threat - but to make the threat clear first, or immediately afterwards (in this case when she threw her food) is better...….. although if she was in such a state, she might not hear or take it in, so it would need repeating later.