Did I Do Wrong?

[Barsel]

The wife of a neighbour of mine died earlier this month, so when I wrote my Christmas cards out, I only put his name on it. He has just pushed a card through for me with his and late wife's name on it. Did I do wrong for only putting his name on it, I feel awful now?

[emmie]

no i don't think you did wrong. don't feel bad,

[Sqad]

Don't give it a second thought, as there is little point in wishing the dead a happy Christmas and a prosperous zNe Year.
You neighbour put both names on from habit.
Think nothing of it and don't beat yourself up.

[gness]

No you didn't, Barsel. The Christmas after MrG died I found myself automatically starting to write....from Gness and.....he may well have done the same as his loss is so new.
I didn't like receiving cards with MrG's name included so you did the right thing..x

[bhg481]

We only ever put one name on cards for widows/widowers. Maybe they'd written the cards before the wife died.

[rockyracoon]

No you didn't do anything wrong. I reckon whatever you had written on it wouldn't have been right.
She may have written the cards before she passed and he is just delivering them without a thought to who they are from.

[woofgang]

I agree, it would have hurt me a lot to have got a christmas card with my late DH's name on.

[zebo]

After OH died in March writing cards was one of the hardest things, along with ticking the 'widow' box when renewing the car insurance. Our daughter was the first birthday, I went into Waitrose to buy her a card and flowers, sat on a bench by the checkpout to write it and burst into tears when I wrote 'from Mum', when I took it and the flowers round she didn't open it, she phoned me later to say she'd wanted to open it on her own. I've also had to train myself to say my and not our and to say I and not we. Hard but I'm getting there.
I doubt your neighbour even realises what he's done, don't fret over it.

[Peter Pedant]

no you didnt do wrong
( didnt mae west star in a film - she done him wrong)

widows change their referent - Mrs John Smith goes to Mrs Jane Smith - and the card wd go to her alone
( also reminds you that John is no more)

I thought you were gonna write the other way round - "like a fool I did both and hence to someone dead"
And she came around in a lather and shouted froo de letter box - "he's dead you dumb frack - you were there" and then stuck and waved her umbrella ...
I feel awful

( seen that done - ish and almost did it myself)

[Pooka1950]

Sorry to go off on a tangent but I just have to send zebo a virtual hug. I lost my husband in February and have been through the same things this year. I just hope it will get easier- I'm sure it will in time.

[Peter Pedant]

I am very sorry to hear of your loss pooka

I am just waiting for the d of a fella who is starting chemo - she wants to know 'all'

its all bad news just before christmas

[zebo]

Pooka1950, your kind hug is reciprocated. I do get fed up of having to say he didn't die of Covid, as if that made it a bit better! Hope you, and all the others who have lost someone this year, have the best Christmas you can.

[Bobbisox1]

No, i think it's a difficult conundrum Vagus, our young friend who died from Covid on November 9th, my birthday is the 11th and I got a card with both of their names on it, I thought perhaps it had been written by his wife before he passed away? But then my Christmas card had both names on although like you, I only put her name on and her daughter who lives with her, it didn't seem as stark doing that

[Bobbisox1]

Sorry that should be Barsel not Vagus

[woofgang]

zebo that "I" not "we" thing:( its nine years and I still do it

[Barsel]

Hugs from me to zebo and Pooka for your loss. xx I've only had one husband, and he's still living, so I didn't know the protocol and how my neighbour would feel not seeing his wife's name on my card. My brothers wife died about 15 yrs ago and yet he still gets a card from one of our cousins addressed to Mr & Mrs with both their names on the card. Thanks for all your answers, I don't feel quite so bad now.

[jakep]

A friend who was widowed last year said that to have both names on the cards brought more grief than comfort. You did the correct thing.

[bednobs]

also, the wife probably wrote them before she died - women are organised like that