Doctor-Doctor.

[William51]

" Doctor- Doctor sometimes a feel like a pair of curtains". "Pull yourself together". "Doctor- Doctor sometimes i feel like a tepee and sometimes like a wigwam". " You are two tents"

[bookbinder]

groanworthy!

[JimF]

Patient: Doctor! Doctor! I have a very embarrassing problem. Every time I break wind it sounds like a Japanese motorbike.
Doctor: Open your mouth.
Patient: My mouth?
Doctor: Absolutely! Ah, just as I thought - you have an abscess.
Patient: What's that got to do with it?
Doctor: Abscess makes the fart go Honda.

[Mamyalynne]

I told my doctor that I’ve hurt my arm in several places…

He told me not to go back to those places.

[JimF]

Doctor: Strip!
Patient: Don't you think you should buy me dinner first?
Doctor: No, I need to examine you.
Patient: Well, OK then, but where will I put my clothes?
Doctor: Just put them on top of mine.
Chick Murray

[Mamyalynne]

Doctor, doctor! How long can a person live without a brain?

I'm not sure - how old are you?

[bookbinder]

http://rubble.heppell.net/jollyology/doctor.html

[Mamyalynne]

When I was young, I decided to go to a medical school. At the entrance exam, we were asked to re-arrange letters

‘PNEIS’

and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.

Those who answered ‘SPINE’ are doctors.

[JimF]

Patient: Doctor! Doctor! My wife and I are losing interest in sex.
Doctor: How old are you?
Patient: 81.
Doctor: 81?! How old is your wife?
Patient: 79.
Doctor: 79?! When did you first notice this?
Patient: Twice last night and once this morning.

Clement / La Frenais

[burlyshirley]

Doctor, Doctor I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.

Well next time, make sure you take off the candles first !

[Bobbisox1]

Doctor: “I have some bad news and some very bad news.”
Patient: “Well, might as well give me the bad news first.”
Doctor: “The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.”
Patient: “24 HOURS! That’s terrible!! What could be worse? What’s the very bad news?”
Doctor: “I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday.”

[piggynose]

Man phones up doctor and tell him he's got a problem with his bladder. So the doctor asks him where he's ringing from?
He replies "from the waist down".

[piggynose]

Man goes to the doctor suffering from constipation. So the doctor tells him to drop his kegs and boxers and bend over. The dr then picks up a long pole with a hook on it. The man asks the dr nervously "what are you going to do with that?"
The dr replies "im going to open a window it stinks in here".

[Smowball]

Omg lol

[Patsy33]

"Doctor, doctor,
I’ve swallowed a golf ball.”
The doctor said, “Yes, I can see it’s gone down a fairway.”

[DTCwordfan]

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.

"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied.

"The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death.

When I told him it would, he bought all fifteen of your paintings."

"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"

"The guy was your doctor..."