My Husband Doesn’t Like Me Because I Don’t Like Dogs

[justaddsomefrick]

I told my husband years ago that I’m allergic to dogs and my house being clean is important for my mental health. He raised the idea of getting a hypoallergenic dog and we discussed it at length. The idea makes me uncomfortable but I said I could deal with it for his sake and could possibly learn to love it but I don’t want the added responsibility of daily bushing, appointments, walking etc (I already do all of the housework and meals, groceries, run my own business and he doesn’t help) he works 10 hour days 6 days a week and will never have time for it, so I know I would be the sole carer.

Now he’s resentful that I’m limiting him from perusing a dream he’s had forever of having his own dog and that he hates the idea of me being the type of person who can’t open my heart to the unconditional love of a dog and that the type of person who doesn’t like dogs sucks and is cold and our house is cold and empty and too clean. He doesn’t want to hug me or talk to me anymore because he says he’s heartbroken.

He’s also saying the reason he wanted it was to bring us closer and give me something to nurture because it would be good for my character. I don’t think giving me something else to take care of is going to help my mental health.

Am I the *** here? Should I just get it and do the bare minimum? Is he an *** for expecting me to have a creature I have made clear I don’t like and am allergic to? Am I a bad cold person for not being a dog loving lady? What should I do

[bookbinder]

Make your feelings crystal clear about the dog, but you should secretly have a plan of what to do if he persists with his aim of getting a dog.
You should know, very positively, what your plan will be and you should not dither over carrying it out.

[barry1010]

Dogs are a huge responsibility for many years, they need a lot of love, a lot of training and exercise and the money for proper care and vets bills. Caring for a dog creates a lot of hard work.

They can restrict your choice of holidays or cost a lot to be put into kennels whilst you are away. They can damage your home and possessions. If you rent your home a dog will restrict your rental options.

Only own a dog if you are 100% positive that you want one for the right reasons. You don't like dogs, you resent your husband for putting you in this position and you will resent the dog if you give in.
Stick to your guns, your home is not the place for any dog

[davebro]

He's a prat. If he's REALLY insistent on having a dog tell him to get a new wife first.

[Peter Pedant]

what your plan will be and you should not dither over carrying it out.

what kill him AND the dog ? - poor doggie !

Let him get the dog and then make his life hell until he gets rid of it. This is very very common, and the commonest solution. Your most telling statement is NOT the long essay on dogs but

and my house being clean is important for my mental health.

[Peter Pedant]

He's a prat. If he's REALLY insistent on having a dog tell him to get a new wife first.

um no I think the plan may be to get a new second husband first
for her mental health's sake of course - nothing more

[DTCwordfan]

as to hypoallergenic dogs - we had a labradoodle, from the original breeders in Oz, and she was a brilliant dog - very lovable and intelligent, some strange likes, for example she would go nuts over Kraft Mac Cheese and watermelon.

However - having a dog is a commitment though they do give a lot of reward. If you do get one, I would bring in a dog trainer to help set in good patterns that will make life a little easier for you. But if you don't want one, then don't get one - and the new hubby idea may be the most appropriate route.

[William51]

He is being selfish and not thinking about your wellbeing. If he needs a pet would another type suit him, like a bird or some fish?.

[roopower]

Just adding my twopenceworth. From your post explaining your lives, it sounds as though neither of you have the time to have a dog. They take a huge amount of commitment and time and noone who doesn't have the time shouldn't have a dog. The fact that your husband wants the dog but is at work for long hours says a lot about how much effort he wants to put in.

[roopower]

Sorry, just another thought. Your husband thinks having the dog will bring you closer together, couples have a baby for the same reason and find it doesn't work, I'm afraid.

[rowanwitch]

And although some dogs cause less problems with those with allergies none are truly non-allergenic. If you have a genuine allergy then does he realise he could put your health maybe even your life at risk.
However the clean and neat obsession sounds a little extreme, maybe bordering on OCD. Maybe couples counselling would help but TBH doesn't seem like you have enough in common to sustain the relationship. Love finds compromises. He might find a suitable outlet for his canine needs by dog sharing
https://www.borrowmydoggy.com/?msclkid=6e7c5811c33912f6d6163c591d93a592&utm_source=bing&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=UK%20-%20Search%20-%20Brand%20-%20Locations&;utm_term=borrowmydoggy%20uk&utm_content=Brand%20-%20BorrowMyDoggy%20-%20LOC%20-%20UK%20%5BP%5D

[MissTerious2]

Sorry, my feelings are that you are not suited to each other. Like others have said, pets are a commitment. Being a natural animal lover, I would never have committed myself to someone who didn't feel the same. It would be totally unfair to the dog to bring it into your life.

[Old_Geezer]

Maybe ask him outright who he loves, or even likes, more. You or some dog ? Depending on his answer, you may be able to find a non-confrontational way of suggesting that, in that case, he should stop bringing the subject up, feeling hard done by, and put it behind him.

Besides if it is his dream of having a dog ought he not be accepting all responsibility for it ? It's not your dream, after all.

Maybe this should have been sorted prior to forming a permanent relationship, but that's in the past and you need to solve the issues which are in the present.