I am so angry!! should I be?

[yinyang]

OK, here's the deal. My husband has been stupidly busy with work lately - 15 hour days being par for the course- and as a result has been naturally exhausted.When he does come home he's grouchy and just wants to sleep. it's not been easy to deal with but I keep getting assured it's only temporary.
BUT today is his birthday and sunday is our wedding anniversary so I arranged for my parents to take the girls overnight. Because they wouldn't see him today the girls and I arranged a wee party for him yesterday. We had balloons,and cooked his favourite meal; the idea being that we would have a family dinner before the rest of the family came round for coffee and cake. He came home late ( says he got stuck in traffic) and the girls and I ended up eating the dinner alone. NOW he's phoned to say he's working late tonight probably till 9 or 10 so our night's stuffed! He doesn't think I should be giving him a hard time over this - what do you think? p.s. sorry it's so long

[yinyang]

Pinkfizz, the thing is he did go into work early. He left at half six this morning ! This contract is worth over half a million to his company so his bosses have basically told him that if the uni boss tells him be lube up and bend over, he better do it!
Another reason I don't think he's having an affair is that even if he hated my guts he still wouldn't have let the girls down the way he did last night if he could help it.

[PinkFizz]

What exactly does he do at this theatre then??
Surely he isnt the only one there that has to do this?

[bobtheturkey]

maybe he is a superhero after work do you find your tights go missing a lot?

[ELVIS68]

Ring him up and shout at him that he`s to be home by seven o clock....if he shouts back...Oh no I`m not...you know he`s dedicated to his theatre work

[yinyang]

He programmes touch panels ( you know, you press a button on your desk and the lights go on/ projectors operate/ blinds close etc.)he's not the only working late but he is the only one ( one of only about 3 or four in Scotland, sorry now I'm being a boastful wife) who can do it to the level required. Instead of overtime he gets an all expenses company car and bonuses twice a year.

[yinyang]

ok, Im calming down now. I know he would be here if he could but the bottom line is the night's riuned and I think I'm justified in being pi**ed of with that. But it's the situation I'm really mad at , not him. The way he's working at the moment is really doing him no good healthwise and I don't want to put it extra strain on him by being the nagging wife but I just feel really neglected.
Realise I'm talking to myself now, just let me carry on. :)

[bobtheturkey]

on a serious note go on a holiday with him

[yinyang]

We are going on holiday in couple of weeks, Bob. Three days in eurodisney with 2 four year olds and my parents! That should be just what we need, don't you think.LOL
Seriously I would love to go away , just me and him, but my parents are the only ones who can take the girls and they do it for one night every 3 or 4 months.

[havinmysay]

does he work weekends?
wont your parents have kids for a weekend so u can go away just the two of u? it will give your husband a chance to wind down and forget about work and remember his family x

[yinyang]

Havinmysay, he doesn't work weekend and I'm sure my prents would take the girls if I asked them too, but I would hate to ask them. They make it quite clear that while the adore the girls and love spending time with them, it's when it suits them and like I said, they only make the offer of an overnight 3 or 4 times a year. His parents aren't an option because his dad's dead ( guess he's off the hook then) and we haven't spoken to his mum for years.
Sorry, I don't normally moan this much, just feeling a bit sorry for myself tonight.
Thanks for your answers,everyone- you've been great.

[wolf63]

I think that men still have the idea that they have to support the family, if only subconsciously (spelling?). My brother used to work crazy hours because his bosses needed him to get projects finished.

However when the kids arrived he realised that he was turning into my dad. He was a train driver and always either working or sleeping. We never saw him and it was not until my mother died that we had any relationship with him, but by then we were both about 30.

Now brother's family takes priority and his work second - he manages to balance it (just) and as his wife works full time they both have to try for the work/life balance.

I really feel for you (and your husband to an extent) and wish that I could use my little fairy wand to sort it all for you. But life is do complicated these days - somebody stole my wand.

[yinyang]

Thanks wolf, that's really sweet of you.

[counsellor]

Sweetpea lifes too short! concentrate on yourself and the girls and act like it doesnt bother you... just make sure your okay xxx

[Eve]

As it's his birthday why not plan a sexy surprise for him when he's coming home knackered and thinking he may get grief.

Greet him wearing something sexy and run him a nice bath then give him a nice sexy massage and maybe have a candleit picnic in the lounge waiting for him with lots of treats you can feed each other etc...

Say that you need to talk but for tonight you just want to forget about the issues and spend some quality time with him and enjoy each other while you have the house to yourselves.

Hope it all works out ok for you xxx

[yinyang]

That's a lovely idea Jenna but at the moment I feel more inclined to drink all the wine on my own and see if I can swallow a birthday cake in one gulp.
I know what you mean though and I don't want to ruin our night. I'll see how he sounds when he calls to say he's own his way home.
Counsellor, I'm going to make sure that our girls aren't affected by this but I love him and I'm not just going to give up on 13 years together. I just think if I act like I'm not bothered nothing will get resolved and if he thinks I've accepted his behaviour he'll just carry on. Does that make sense?

[yinyang]

He's just phoned to say he's on his way home. Funnily enough as soon as I heard his voice I didn't feel angry anymore - I just wanted him home.Apparently, he phoned his boss (who wasn't working tonight) and laid into him , saying he couldn't work like this any more and they needed to change things so he could be with his family.
We've still got things to talk about and we'll both need to try to keep his natural workaholism in check but tonight I just want to have nice meal and celebrate his birthday.
Thanks for all your help, everyone.

[PinkFizz]

awwwww I so glad Ying yang.Did you have a good evening.I was thinking of you.xx

[yinyang]

Thanks, Pinkfizz. We had a brilliant evening. Still stuff needs sorted but but I feel like I've got my husband back again.
Like I said in fms' hangover question, today we've got aching heads and carpet burns. Also you'd be amazed how much Aftershock nips when it comes into contact with,um, sensitive skin.;))
Have a great weekend,Pink girl.x

[PinkFizz]

Ooh,you little devil yingyang!! Maybe if you two had such a good evening it might have remimded him what he us missing when he works so late!!

By the way - Happy Anniversary!!