Do I Message Him Or Let Him Message Me?

[abbeylee90]

I'm meant to be going with guy I went on a date with on Saturday tonight do I message him if I don't hear from him or let him message me?

[Neveracrossword]

Abbey, the bearded guy was weeks ago - you only kept in touch until you saw how the next one 'worked out'.  What it does matter that he said 'damn' all the time? Even if he didn't use that term, you had zero interest in him anyway! Why do you dwell on things?

[abbeylee90]

It just annoying that all. He is really nice and geniue but for some reason I not interested.

[scorpiojo]

Then just let it go!

[jourdain2]

OK, you're not interested.  That's it. Don't go on about it. Put it behind you - every platitude to the same effect.  Stop it. Move on.

[abbeylee90]

Seems guys don't like me 

[Hazlinny]

It's maybe just that you are meeting the wrong type, Abbey.
Some day, Mr. Right will be along x

[Dizmo]

Abbey: Could it be that your profile and how you are with them don't add up?

Without you giving out anything too personal, what does your profile say? If you act differently to how you've portrayed yourself in your profile, maybe they get put off by that? For example, if you've put in your profile that you know what you want and you go for it, however you then can't make up your mind when and where you'd like to meet, that may make some of the men think that you've told a porky, or two.

 

Anyway, it's just a thought. I don't mean anything bad by it, I'm only trying to help.

[newmodarmy]

I'm wondering what sort of conversations you have with these guys ... maybe they are expecting someone with a strong personality- exotic, witty and interesting,  based on your obvious good looks and attractive clothes.

Maybe you need to focus more on that than on what to wear

[Neveracrossword]

Abbey, you said 'seems guys don't like me', but you need to be fair. Of the five or six guys you've seen/been in contact with (maybe all through Plenty of Fish), you've liked only one! One 'wasn't very attractive, a bit of a midget', one was going away travelling, one was bearded and had piercings, I think another one wasn't tall enough... Yes, it's a pity the one you were quite keen on didn't seem to feel the same, but that's just life, I'm afraid!

[Dizmo]

NAC: So true.

I used to use online dating sites (PoF and Match being the two main ones) and out of the 20 or so 'likes' or 'matches', I only had 3 little nibbles.

No 1: I met and she lied to my face, saying how much she enjoyed being out with me on the date (she left by bus and then about 2 hours later I saw her with all of her mates, in town) and then proceeded to laugh and point at me with all of her friends - she had cut the date short because she had to go to work (not true, obviously).

No 2: I took her out for a meal (I paid for everything), we texted back and forth, non-stop for about 3 weeks (average of 50 - 80 text messages a day). Then, out of nowhere, her 'friend' text me and said that her friend (my 'date') didn't like me and that I should stop communicating with her.

No 3: Went on a date, talked about her family (her twin sister, who had a serious mental illness due to being given too much oxygen at birth - they spent an entire year in hospital, fighting for their lives). She was worried that I'd be scared off by how her sister was. About 18 months later we got married. It was all rushed and for reasons I can't go into, it didn't work out.

 

Either way, my point is, you can chat on online dating sites to (and/or meet up with) dozens of people and secure many dates. It takes time to find the right person. I'm not saying you can't find the right person after only a few attempts - it can happen (just not statistically likely). I met my partner of 9 years online (not through a dating site though, it was through what you all may call Social Media) and after spending less than 12 hours with her, I knew she was the one.

 

Abbey, you need to give it time - be patient. Please try not to string anyone along. I say that not only because it's not very nice to the person being strung along, but because it could backfire on you. If you're looking to date people locally, it's possibly that these men (on PoF) may know each other, or may have friends (or friends of friends) that know each other. I hope that your PoF profile name isn't the same as your AnswerBank username. AnswerBank has a very high Google rating - if someone does a search for your nick, they could find some of your questions on/from AnswerBank.