Is This Morally Right?

[renegadefm]

Ok long story, but I will try and make it as short as I can. 

 

Since Dad died in November my sister, my partner and myself have all been pulling together to baby sit Mum, as shes 90, has slight dementia, so needs someone with her day and night. 

 

There has been some nights Mum's cleaning lady has even offered to sleep there at night for £40 a night, but thats all she does, she turns up at 9 o'clock at night and is gone again at 8.30am.

So someone has to sit with Mum until 9 o'clock in the evening, so it dawned on my partner one day, hold on, if I'm here until 9 o'clock, I might aswell sleep here the night, as the evening is mucked up anyway. 

 

So she offered to sleep at Mums for £25 a night, which obviously includes to be there during the day aswell. And it wouldn't be every night anyway.

 

At first my sister was ok about it, but contacted me today, and said I been thinking about Mum having to pay my partner to stay at night, but shouldn't she be doing that out of kindness?

 

So I replied and said well technically shes only my partner, surely doing that at a much lower rate is saving Mum money in the long run, rather than paying the cleaner £40 for literally just sleeping there.

 

But somehow sister is now uncomfortable about it. Who is right or wrong here?  I tent to agree with partner as its good of her to give up so much time. 

[renegadefm]

THECORBYLOON, 

I don't understand where you're coming from there. 

I didn't pay the cleaners wage, so why am I responsible for paying my partner to sleep at my Mum's? Besides I can't afford that.

By the time all my bills are out, we live on the bread line. 

[THECORBYLOON]

You said that if you were doing it, you'd not expect to be paid.

If your partner were your wife, would that make a difference to her being paid?

[Ellipsis]

Tell your sister it's £25 a night, take it or leave it ... maybe she can find a better alternative?

[Peter Pedant]

I am sorry for your situation - my cousin allowed my other cousin to look after their mother for 10 y and then kicked him out the day after her  death  - "we are all very grateful for what John  has  done" as the evil  deed was done.

you COULD try - "well you could sleep over and get the  £25 pound. "- and " partner is not a  Renegade and hs  no duty to our  mother"

the default state is "my partner is not gonna sleep over, so we are back to £40 a night"

it is solved by negotiation

[Peter Pedant]

I agree wutg Ellipsis

[Barmaid]

I'm a bit concerned about your phraseology, which may just be a clumsy way of putting things.

You say that if this facility were not available, your mother would have to be "put in an emergency care home".  You cannot "put" anyone anywhere if they still have full capacity since it is for them to decide.  

Your mother's dementia will only get worse.  I foresee there being an issue between you and your sister (who has the LPA) and it may be best to try and sort these things out now, since once your mother cannot make a decision things will undoubtedly come to a head.