ChatterBank3 mins ago
Are men really from Mars?
7 Answers
Met a guy in the summer and we had a wonderful time together. Everything seemed to be SO right. Then out of the blue he decides that we did not "gel" and what he felt was not enough. Upset but philosophical I get on with life. Then he calls me and says he realises that he misses me, he loves me and can we try again. So we do. A few weeks later on, I get the "I am not sure" thing all over again. Anyway, we resolved to be just good friends, albeit we became "intimate". I was of the firm view tho that it was not going to go anywhere because of his abject confusion so took it to be very casual � there was never any mention of seeing each other again at the end of every meeting and he was regularly logged on to a dating site. I hadn't seen him for a while and then I was asked out to dinner by a colleague. I was completely open with the other guy who threw an absolute hissy fit, (despite the fact that it was just dinner � I am after all a nice girl). He admitted he was jealous and decided we should never meet again. We are still talking, but I get the distinct impression we are now playing games. He fell over himself to tell me he went out on a date (to which he got no reaction, despite the fact it felt like my insides had been ripped out) and says he really hopes I meet someone. This guy has a few problems with depression and anxiety, but I can't help thinking that we are in danger of missing out on something special (and I have told him this). He tells me he loves me and he has never met anyone like me who does so much for him, yet he doesn't want to see me again. What planet are you men on? What am I doing wrong?
Answers
1 to 7 of 7
Best Answer
No best answer has yet been selected by Barmaid. Once a best answer has been selected, it will be shown here.
For more on marking an answer as the "Best Answer", please visit our FAQ.
hey..
as far as i can see ur not doing anything wrong. it sounds like a classic sign of him not necessarily wanting u but not wanting anyone else to have u. Some men (especially those with a lack of confidence) like the idea of having a woman 'waiting' for them any time they call.
In his defence though he may genuinely like you but is scared of commitment or of loving someone. Maybe he had a bad relationship before and hasnt got over it. Unlike us girls who seem to be able to take repeated knocks no matter how hard it seems, a lot of men (not all) find themselves being hurt once and are never the same again.
You need to find out which it is, if he's just a jerk thats using u, forget it and move on. If he is genuine, and u feel that in the long term it'll all be worth it then keep fighting. Thats what i had to do with my current partner, it was about a year of rocky patches but we've made good. Only u know deep down whether or not ur right for each other
GOOD LUCK
as far as i can see ur not doing anything wrong. it sounds like a classic sign of him not necessarily wanting u but not wanting anyone else to have u. Some men (especially those with a lack of confidence) like the idea of having a woman 'waiting' for them any time they call.
In his defence though he may genuinely like you but is scared of commitment or of loving someone. Maybe he had a bad relationship before and hasnt got over it. Unlike us girls who seem to be able to take repeated knocks no matter how hard it seems, a lot of men (not all) find themselves being hurt once and are never the same again.
You need to find out which it is, if he's just a jerk thats using u, forget it and move on. If he is genuine, and u feel that in the long term it'll all be worth it then keep fighting. Thats what i had to do with my current partner, it was about a year of rocky patches but we've made good. Only u know deep down whether or not ur right for each other
GOOD LUCK
Don't play games like this or allow yourself to be drawn into them because eventually you'll just end up on a rollercoaster of control dramas which replace anything meaningful and yiou'll miss out on the real thing with someone nice Give him a chance to be with you, tell him exactly this and to grow up and act his age or naff of and not bother you again, dead simple.
I actually hate games like I hate people who mug old ladies..or anyone for that matter...I dont play games because I cant be arsed with it..its far too much work for so little reward.
In answer to your question..actually its more of a statement than an answer...so sorry..but...I dont get where he is coming from..If you were the one to initially end it, or you had done something to instigate the break up then I could more understand why he might be umming and arring about getting back with you then getting shirty when your going out with someone else....is there anything you have not told us? Only reason I ask is because often people give one side of the story and its impossible to give a balanced view without knowing everthing.
Anyway, the other reason could be something that has been overlooked...something like, maybe he did break it up and realised he made a mistake, but after briefly getting back with you thought there was not the 'old spark' there so though maybe you were playing away so called it off again, thus making it 'your fault' in his eyes, then getting shirty after finding out you were seeing another bloke for a meal...which would have proved his point. There is no way of knowing this unless you sat or sit down and talk to him, with some blokes it is very hard to get emotional truths out from them, so make sure its the right setting to discuss these feelings.
The reason I have said all this is because its sometimes easy to give the 'expected' answer or the 'obvious' answers, but when it comes to matters of the heart there are so many possible answers we sometimes have to think outside the box for answers to do with affairs of the heart.
Hope it helps
In answer to your question..actually its more of a statement than an answer...so sorry..but...I dont get where he is coming from..If you were the one to initially end it, or you had done something to instigate the break up then I could more understand why he might be umming and arring about getting back with you then getting shirty when your going out with someone else....is there anything you have not told us? Only reason I ask is because often people give one side of the story and its impossible to give a balanced view without knowing everthing.
Anyway, the other reason could be something that has been overlooked...something like, maybe he did break it up and realised he made a mistake, but after briefly getting back with you thought there was not the 'old spark' there so though maybe you were playing away so called it off again, thus making it 'your fault' in his eyes, then getting shirty after finding out you were seeing another bloke for a meal...which would have proved his point. There is no way of knowing this unless you sat or sit down and talk to him, with some blokes it is very hard to get emotional truths out from them, so make sure its the right setting to discuss these feelings.
The reason I have said all this is because its sometimes easy to give the 'expected' answer or the 'obvious' answers, but when it comes to matters of the heart there are so many possible answers we sometimes have to think outside the box for answers to do with affairs of the heart.
Hope it helps
1 to 7 of 7
Latest Posts
ChatterBank3 mins ago
ChatterBank4 mins ago
ChatterBank19 mins ago
Quizzes & Puzzles31 mins ago