Helpful

[Roughquest]

I took a day's holiday from my work to help a friend in need do a 'moonlight flit' from her husband by moving her stuff out of her house and into her new flat. A good job was done by all and I know she said thank you to us all - that is it, call me petty but if I had been her I would have at least made some gesture and bought a bottle of wine, thankyou card, or chocs and given them to all to say how much their help meant and that she could not have done it without us. Another friend of mine has also commented and said they'd wish they hadnt bothered as it was really hard work. We feel a little deflated. WHat are your views?

[lainiej]

I understand you perfectly Roughquest. I helped a friend do a moonlight flit before she got evicted for not paying her rent - pleading a poorly arm, she hardly struck a bat and I even had to take the dirty pots out of the sink. It took myself and another friend all evening to move her to another house. Vague thanks were offered with the promise of inviting us round for a meal some time - never materialised. I did other things for this woman and was never made to feel as if she was grateful. I finally saw the light and gave her the metaphorical heave-ho.
The thing is that like Smudge I dont feel happy unless I give a little gift as a gesture of thanks. We expect everyone else to be the same I guess.

[shaneystar2]

I think you need to define the term "friend" here .To me a friend is someone I have known a hell of a long time and I can count my" true" friends on one hand and I can count on them..A thank you would suffice for me if this is someone who has stuck by me through thick and thin.
I have a couple of friends whom I have known for over forty years.If I couldn't do something for them and vice versa without expecting a box of chocs or a bottle of wine as a thank you then I would be a pretty poor friend.

[Roughquest]

I do understand everyones point that has been made and I dont mean to sound selfish at all here. Perhaps we all were expecting another gesture i.e. a small gift - which i can see is wrong to expect - but I personally havent known this girl for very long really - but long term friend or not I would have still helped anyone, that is the person I am - as i said earlier we are not all the same, but a small gesture would of - on this occasion - gone a long way. We did the move over a week ago.

[joko]

its like smudge said "a friend in need, is a friend indeed"

some people want to be your 'friend indeed' when they can get something out of it - they will suddenly start acting like your the best person in the world just before they ask you for help, then as soon as you have helped, they go back to just treating you as usual.

has this woman been a good friend otherwise?

though, at the moment, i'd give her a bit more time - she is probably feeling a bit spaced out and perhaps it hasn't occurred to her that you all may be feeling put out.
once she gets her head round whats happened, she may do something for you.

i do know how you feel though - i once took a girl to hospital - she wasn't an especially good friend - because she got herself into a flap thinking she'd been stung by a wasp and would have an anaphylactic shock (!) - she had actually just pricked her finger on a sharp piece of nylon thread in her sports bag...but i paid for the cab, the tea, the cab back - and i missed my college performance assesment because of it! ... and i got no thank you, no payment for the cab and no drink - our tutor bought me a drink - on her behalf - for looking after her while they did the production!
i even got a few strange looks from her mum and dad who had been called ...??!!
it really annoyed me - because she wasn't a friend, and there was nothing wrong with her - i suspect it was deliberate because she too scared to go on stage...!

[smudge]

I've always taken great pleasure in giving than receiving - thankfully, so is my husband & our two daughters.

As I said earlier, a 'Thank You' in words is enough for me!

Nite, nite!