How do I tell my parents their house is a mess?

[mats01_99]

I have just visited my parents home and to cut to the chase it is absolutely filthy!, it is no longer just dusty but very grimey in places. They have both suffered ill health in the last few years so the domestic chores seem to have been put on the backburner. They are both heavy smokers, and do this without opening windows so over the years the build up has been quite extreme on walls, ceilings etc. A build up of dog hairs to carpet and furniture doesn't help with the terrible smell of the place.
I haven't found a way to tell them yet, the house has also become untidy with magazines / newspapers / letters cluttering up the kitchen / living room and dining room areas. I daren't think about the condition of the upstairs!
It is now a health hazard, I have a 6 month old who under these circumstances will never be able to visits her grandparents house. I was only over few hours (i live in Ireland, them in the UK) so I can't tackle it myself, even if i was there, It'd be too big of a job. Help!, how do I tell them without completely offending them?

[~Jenna~]

You could suggest as a treat that you pay for a cleaner to come in for a major spring clean and then for a few hours a week to keep on top of things as a treat for them.

I'd explain the situation to the cleaner beforehand in case there are any problems later on and make sure they are coming in for what you're paying for.

Would they be offended by this?

[PinkFizz]

Excellent idea Jenna!

[Hellion]

Hi mats.
I'm sure they are well aware that it's a mess but the chances are they now find it so overwhelming they don't know where to start so it is easier to not do it at all. If they have both suffered from ill health recently they may well just not be up to it. There are many cleaning services around that actually do a 'spring clean', they are not that cheap but is it at all possible to get one of those in along to get it back to scratch? You may find that once the worst is done they are then able to cope. Alternatively see if you can find a regular cleaner to go in once a week to do the bigger stuff; bathroom, vacuuming, washing kitchen floor, changing beds. It sounds as if they are unable to cope and telling them it's a mess may make them feel worse rather than galvanise them in to cleaning it up. I', afraid I think probably practical help is needed rather than telling them. How old are they by the way?

[cruella]

if both your parents agree to it, why not get in touch with their local social services. Explain the situation and ask if they would carry out an assessment. Following that, they will be referred and get all the services that they require.

[Andy008]

"Your house is filthy"

Simple.

[Waaii]

Unless they are very well off they should get help to pay for a cleaner on a regular basis. Social services may help.
Alternatively could you all (family) club together to send them away for a weekend somewhere (pre Christmas perhaps) and either get someone in or all go in and have a spring clean yourselves. Maybe slosh a bit of paint around like 'on the telly'. Put some decorations and a tree up.
If it's a 'surprise present' they are less likely to be offended

[Eve]

That's a lovely idea Waaii, do your own Changing Rooms v. Kim & Aggie lol :)

You could add some special touches to make it more treat like such as fresh flowers in a nice vase, some lovely family pictures in nice frames, new bed linen and such.

You can get the place aired out too and put some of those plug in air freshners for anti tobacco and buy some nice decorative bowls and dishes and put some lovely smelling pot pourri in them.

Some more storage space too if they've not got much.

Maybe do up a spare room so you've got somewhere nice to stay with your littlun.

If a place is done up nice then it's more likely to stay that way.

[WendyS]

It's difficult when parents are elderly because they often feel too unwell to cope with cleaning and perhaps their eyesight is declining so they don't notice the dirt any more.
Also, heavy smokers lose their sense of smell. I believe there's a national franchise over here called Molly Maids who will come in and clean your house regularly, or just come in and do a big blitz from time to time. Perhaps it's worth Googling Molly Maids and the location of your parents to see if there's a local branch. Then you could treat them to a big clean-up as a surprise present.
Another point - often cluttered houses are often a sign of the occupants suffering from early dimentia - people just leave stuff out because if they tidy it away they can never remember where they put it.