my son is being bullied but won't admit it

[janetsflower]

have had my suspicions for a while now that my son is being bullied at school (he is 12) but he has never told me about it. Tonight I had the parent of a sixth former come round to tell me that her daughter had been witnessing my son being bullied on the bus by two 14 year old girls for a number of weeks. The sixth former has had a go at the bullies herself and will be reporting it to school on monday. She says she told my son to tell us but he said theres no point, nothing will get done about it. Obviously i was heartbroken to hear this and i have sat him down and tried to get him to tell me whats going on but he is adamant that nothing has happened and he is ok. I have told him its not his fault, he won't be in trouble, that much as i would love to i won't leap on the bus and beat these bullies up myself etc etc but i can't get him to open up and tell me whats going on. As i said before i have had my suspicions for a while becuase things have happened like he has rushed home from the bus stop looking like there were demons after him, and one time he came home soaked from head to toe and told me he had fell in a puddle which seemed a bit far fetched for how wet he was. So really i don't know to what extent this is happening but i am now worried sick and i guess just looking for some guidance and advice as to how to deal with this and how to get to the bottom of it. Anyway he won't be going to school on the bus again for a while. I guess he has little faith in the teachers supporting him as he is often in trouble himself at school for various behaviours. Ad obviously if he won't admit it to me then he isn't likely to confide in the teachers if they ask him whats going on once this sixth former has reported it

[~Wingnut~]

How awful janetsflower, I feel for you and your son so much. My daughter has been bullied on and off for the past 3 years by the same 2 girls (they are all only 9 yrs old now and believe it or not the little darlings are now trying to intimidate me as I work at the school!) but nowhere near the extent of what has been happening to your son.
Do you think that maybe if you all had a meeting with his tutor, heard of year or headteacher that he may open up when he see's it is being taken seriously? Could this be behind his bad behaviour at school?
The problem is if he won't tell you then asking and asking is just going to make him clam up more. I would just keep reassuring him, more than you are probably doing already but don't pressure him into telling you what has been happening.
These girls need stopping (I'm sure you feel the same way as I do about the 2 girls with my daughter) so I would pursue it with the school with the sixth former as a witness. Tell your son this also so he knows it isn't just going to be brushed under the carpet, this may also make him open up more about all this.
Good on the sixth form girl for speaking out too and for her parent telling you! Your removing your son from the situation by stopping him from taking the bus which you shouldn't have to do but your son will be thanking you for it even if he doesn't actually say anything.

I hope this all works out for you and the girls get stopped! xx

[redhead23]

you should encourage him to write a diary about days times culptits too , say you will not read it until he wants you to , this will also help him unburden his fears etc , bullies so gutless and no need to ever do that to another human

[Lonnie]

The thing is, and I do sympathise very much, he's twelve years old, he's not going to tell anyone he's being picked on by girls.

Maybe you could have a word with this mother, and ask her daughter to have a word with your son first, in private, to impress on him, that its not just him, if they keep getting away with it, they may well start on someone else.

[janetsflower]

thanks for all your answers and advice. we have talked to him again tonight and used all that you have suggested and have managed to get him to open up a little more. Really appreciate you all taking the time to respond. Thank you

[janetsflower]

Wells thats just great - I have called the school up and their response was to say - our jurisdiction over what happens on the buses is limited. Is it not possible for your son to catch a different bus. - Why the hell should he, he is not the one in the wrong. I wonder what they would have to say if i decide to follow the bus and when these little witches get off i run them over. There is no justice in this world and the idiots that run schools have no more common sense that cabbages

[Lonnie]

I think, actually, they are right, their juristiction ends at the school gates, and its not happening in the grounds.

But I would have thought, if they now know who the girls are, they could have a word with them, I mean, how many times have you picked up a newspaper, and a child has self harmed, and worse, because of bullying?.

Go back to the school, if you can, try not to be confrontational, and impress on them, the possible consequences, if its not stopped.

Have you spoken to the Bus driver?.

[misshiggy]

My son has had similar experience, so I feel for you both. I hope in the last few days you have had a better response from the school as bullying whether on or off the school should be dealt with in a more compassionate way. This is serious and the girls especially if they are still in school uniform are representative of the school and what it stands for.

I had quite a serious situation with my son aged 11, being bullied and the bullies aged 15, videoing it on their mobile phones and posting it on You Tube. Rumours spread through the school which added to further bullying. My son did not know the bullies as there are over 1400 children in the school but we were lucky as they had their names on the video posting we were able to use it as evidence and take it to the school. It took 3 weeks before a satified response was made. I talked to the charity Kidscape, to get a clear perspective in how to handle the school and their responsibility for my son. I hope that the girls have now been called to account, if not then I would suggest a talk with Kidscape as they were fantastic. They recommended that I should get the school to deal with it but if I was still not happy I should go to the police. I did and the boys concerned were given a caution.

[misshiggy]

As for your son I agree in not pushing him. The school should talk to him as a matter of course but this I think should be done with you there as it can be intimidating. The sixth formers account should be enough if your son won't say anything. My son too did not tell about the bullying saying the bruising and dirty uniform were down to playing football. The signs aren't always easy to read. I will say that children behave differently with teachers and if he has a favourite one you might find he opens up more to them.

The school responded by giving my son a timetable for breaktime/lunchtime so he wasn't on his own. He also kept a diary as the teasing took a while to die down. This time any incidents were dealt with immediately. The school also put in motion a ban on all mobiles as filming on school property without permission is unlawful.

Let us know how you get on xx