Most funny phrases

[Toleman]

Here's two,

Sticks like 5h!t To a blanket

Can't swing a cat in here

[jno]

well, the cat they originally had in mind was a cat o'nine tails, for flogging people with, not a real animal.

[Quizmonster]

Sorry to disagree, J, but...
It is generally believed that the saying about a confined space that there is "no room to swing a cat" there comes from the cat-o'-nine-tails, a multi-thonged whip used for punishing sailors in the olden days. However, it is virtually impossible for that to be the case.
The word, �cat-o'-nine-tails', is not recorded anywhere before the end of the 17th century and there is no record of the single word �cat' to mean �cat-o'-nine-tails' for yet another hundred years. There is also not a single recorded use of "no room to swing a cat" being a reference to a naval flogging between then and the end of the sailing-ship navy's days.
After all, why would there have been? Such punishments were invariably carried out on deck as a �lesson' in front of the assembled ship's company...that is, in a place where there was invariably ample room.
The earliest recorded use of �no room to swing a cat' dates further back and is quite clearly a reference to an actual cat! The following is a quote from 1665..."They had not space enough (according to the vulgar saying) to swing a cat in." The word �vulgar' here means �common', so the whole idea was clearly already virtually a proverb and so presumably a lot older still.
In addition, around the same time, archers used to practise their skills by shooting at a leather bag, known as a �bottle', containing a live cat! This would be swung around as a moving target and, presumably, the marksmen enjoyed hearing the poor creature's squeals if they hit it. Shakespeare wrote in Much Ado About Nothing, "Hang me in a bottle like a cat and shoot at me."
So, there are at least two historic references to a real cat swinging which long pre-date the Royal Navy's punishment implement.

[jno]

I stand corrected! Under the circumstances, I am surprised cats have lasted this long.

[RATTER15]

I get told off for using the phrase when I'm hungry:

I could eat a scabby monkey raw.

or when its dark I tend to say: dark as a cows guts.

[I.Don No]

when the sky darkens like before a storm we always say 'it's getting dark over Bill's mother's' but we none of us know anyone called Bill much less where his mum lives!

and I must admit I did blush a little when I first heard the saying that goes '**** me gently with a cast iron crowbar' since I always believed a plain 'fiddlesticks' would fit the bill....oh crikey...there's that Bill again!

[Quizmonster]

I.Don No, As you say, it means rain is on the way. This saying seems to be more widespread around the country nowadays, but many - including Eric Partridge in his Dictionary of Catch Phrases - believe it started life in the East Midlands.
The best explanation I've ever heard as to its origin is the one that suggests the �Bill', �Will' or �William' in the phrase refers to William (Will/Bill) Shakespeare. He was born in Stratford-on-Avon, to the west of the Midlands and - if the sky is dark and threatening over that area (ie over Bill's mother's) - it means rain is probably headed for the east of the Midlands region, because the prevailing winds are likely to push the wet weather in that direction.
Of course, it might be a different Bill altogether, but that explanation amuses me.