Stupid Americans!!

[johnlambert]

On a crowded train a U.S. Marine just back on leave from Iraq, walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle aged, French woman's poodle.

The war weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?"



The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat."



The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog.



"Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired."



She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!"



This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out of the window, and sat down.



The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honour! Put this American in his place!"



A British gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, "Sir, you Americans often seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out of the window!"

[fine,thanks]

well done,

[Psychick]

lmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[allotment10]

excellent johnlambert, that really made me laugh :)

[pastafreak]

Ooooeee! haha! there I was, waiting for another jab at my country-men....but surprise,surprise-VERY funny.thanks!

[mrknowall]

Lmao Mr lambert

[johnlambert]

Anything to help our brave allies pastafreak

[Pippa68]

Priceless :o)

It sort of reminds me of the old urban legend about the posh white South African woman and the poor black South African man sitting together on a plane...

[cruella]

lol That really made me laugh tonight. You have cheered me up. Thanks!

[johnlambert]

hey Pippa68
remind us what that legend was please, the old johnlambert memory aint what it used to be
TIA

[bigmamma]

thanks johnlambert , that was funny :-)

[bobtheduck-]

cliff lazerenko is playing on sky sports one, evening's do not get any better

[Craig007]

He doesn't look well though does he Bob!

[bobtheduck-]

lost a stack of weight craig hasn't he

[Pippa68]

LOL John..I have had to digit out of my files and dust off the cobwebs to remember it all myself ;o) always warms the cockles to read it again!


On a British Airways flight from Johannesburg, a middle aged, well-off white South African lady has found herself sitting next to a black man. She called the cabin crew attendant over to complain about her seating.

''What seems to be the problem, madam?'' asked the attendant. ''Can't you see?'' she said ''You have sat me next to a kaffir. I can't possibly sit next to this disgusting human. Find me another seat!!''

''Please calm down, madam'' replied the stewardess ''The flight is very full today, but I'll go and check to see if anything is available in club or first class'' The woman cast a snooty look at the outraged black man beside her, as well as the other passengers. A few minutes later the stewardess arrived to deliver the good news.

''Madam, unfortunately as I suspected economy is full. I have spoken to the services diretor and club is also full. However we do have a seat in first class''. Before the smug lady had a chance to answer the stewardess continued...''It is most unusual to make this kind of upgrade, however I have spoken to the Captain who thought that given the circumstances, it was outrageous that someone should be forced to sit next to such an obnoxious individual''

The stewardess then turned to the black man and said '' So if you would like to get your things, sir ~ we have a seat waiting for you''

At which point, aparently the surrounding passengers stood up and clapped while the man walked up to the front of the plane..leaving the woman speechless :o)

[unruliejulie]

John and Pippa, both excellent, loved em!

[cockroach]

v good x