Loss

[Scotman84]

My daughter gave birth to a beautiful baby girl just less than two years ago. We have her as babysitters each Saturday night. The father wants nothing to do with her (although he is willing to pay maintenance), but my question is --- his parents know nothing about this fantastic child - they are missing out on something they could cherish - should we track them down and tell them?

[Psychick]

Hmm...this one is a very hard one. What does your daughter want and is there any reason the father hasnt told his parents.
Those are the first two things that need to be considered.
I agree, the other grandparents are going to miss out on something fantastic.....and so will the baby.......but if your daughter is against them knowing, as well as their son, there isnt much you can do Im afraid.

[Psychick]

Congrats to you all btw!

Hope mother and baby are well :)

[mycats]

My son has only met his fathers dad once when he was a baby, I've also been wondering if I should get in touch with him to let him get to know my son. Its a hard one

[fran2]

I would Scotman, Afterall, its not the grandparents fault that their son does'nt want to keep in touch with the baby. They have a right to know they have a grandchild, I bet they'd be over the moon! Trace them:-))

[Ethel]

NO NO NO

If your daughter doesn't want the father's parents informed, that should be the end of it.

I can understand your sentiments, but this is not a decision for you to make.

[pixiepie]

i agree with pyschick and ethel. Its up to your daughter to decide if she wants his parents involved

[Aprilis]

I think that whatever the situation may be between your daughter and the baby's father, it isn't the child's fault and she shouldn't grow up deprived of her paternal grandparents, nor they of their grandchild.

HOWEVER, I'm afraid it doesn't matter what you or I think. It is your daughter's decision to make and her place to deal with any future consequences.

There are several things to consider here. One day your daughter will have to explain to her daughter why she doesn't know her nan and grandad on her dad's side. You can be sure that your grandaughter will ask about them at some point in the future.

Perhaps you could talk to your daughter about this. Gently explain to her that your grandaughter could very likely grow up to resent her mother for keeping her from her other granny and grandad if there isn't a very good reason for it. The fact that her Daddy chose not to be part of her life is going to be hard enough for her to deal with.

Your daughter may actually have a good reason that you are not aware of. For that reason alone I would not be inclined to take this matter into your own hands. Unless of course when you said, "Should we track them down...", you meant your daughter included.

If your daughter does decide to tell them, it will be hard for these other grandparents to understand why it took two years to let them know.

I do hope that in the end everything works out for the best, whatever way it goes.

[Scotman84]

Thank you all for your comments and advice.