Lads and girls nites out! Why?

[lsharp10uk]

I might be been really stupid here but I have never understood people in loving relationships wanting to partake in these. Why do people do it? The only reason I can think is to talk about their partners or look for what else is out there.

I know everyone will say that its to catch up with friends and have a chat but I like to think that if you are in a good relationship you could share friends and go out together.

Am I been unreasonable? I love my boyfriend so so much and feel hurt when he wants to spend time just with his mates and not with me. I feel as though he doesnt want to be with me and I feel pushed away.

Im not overprtective of my boyfriend and would never stop him going out but I am very insecure and know that this probably has something to do with my feelings.

Anyone any thoughts?

[4getmenot]

and we gave opinions on your thoughts. We dont all have to agree with you. Your reply 'well thats helps, not' was very rude

[laurence2]

Isharp10uk.

Its people like you that get on my T!ts, you have asked a question, and have had reasonable responses, if you do not like it, may i suggest you do not post on here again, or better still, give me your address and i will gladly post you a one way ticket to wherever you wish.

You CLEARLY want people to agree with your controlling ways ie bf with you 24/7, lets hope he sees through your pathetic insecurety and leaves you.

Ps, How about a desert island for you

[lsharp10uk]

Thank you China Doll and Rev for hitting the nail on the head. Trust....... that is the exact issue!! Not me been immature, unreasonable or just pain selfish.

Not one person has suggested talking to my partner about this which I find odd and no one asked me why I feel like I do.

Fortunately my boyfriend is very understanding of my past and my present feelings and we talk about any problems we have such as this and we live very happily together in a house that we have bought and we plan to start a family soon.

[jackthehat]

...............and this has no connection with your other post where you ask at which age men grow up, then ?

[Reverandfunk]

As far as the trust thing goes, I give everyone 100% straightaway, the only thing they can do then is lose it.

I've been hurt in the past, we all have but when you're in a new relationship all the baggage has to be left at the door.

[laurence2]

Are you for real.

The problem is CLEARLY you.

You even say that your bf is understanding, lets him breathe then, its all about you, you, you.

If you have trust issue's try mentioning it in the first place.

If you was my gf {thank god your not} i would dump you asap.

If hes understanding, hopefully he has the brains to leave you.

Go away, i'm getting bored with your self pity now

[lsharp10uk]

I did mention the trust issue in my original post "I am very insecure".

[jackthehat]

Unless YOU address your 'trust issues' there is precious little point in asking for the opinions of strangers.............

We have been forthcoming but you seem to dismiss any reponses that don't fit your very narrow requirements.........

I suggest you finish this thread and concentrate on your other posting.........

[4getmenot]

I've been hurt like you wouldnt believe in the past it doesnt mean you cant trust again. I think its because I didnt trust them to start with and that pushed them away to cheat on me but now I go into a relationship being trusting and not holding on so tight. take each day as it comes and be happy. :-)

[Gromit]

Imagine your favourite meal. Now imagine having that meal 7 days a week for a year. Even though it is your favourite, you would take it for granted maybe even get bored with it.

Imagine your favourite TV programme. Now imagine there was only one channel and it showed that programme 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Even though it is your favourite, you would take it for granted maybe even get bored with it.

Well the same thing is true with people and partners.

A variety of friends and time away from your partner is healthy and essential. Otherwise the things that make them special to you, and you special to them get taken for granted and that you don't get bored with each other.

[hundreddolla]

Familiarity breeds contempt.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

.......need i say more?

[Miss Inquiry]

What is your idea of a "Normal" relationship? You say you are 26 and want one, then say "we live very happily together in a house that we have bought and we plan to start a family soon", sounds quite normal to me!

I'd have to say you feeling hurt when he wants to go out with you is not really very rational. If your relationship is solid you have absolutely nothing to worry about.

I'd say stop making it an issue, grab a few of your girlfriends have a few bottles of wine then head off to a local cocktail bar for an evening, you will soon see that there is nothing sinister about girls all going out together, single or in relationships your there to spend time with mates not anyone else. Then spend the next day getting pampered by your man, filling him in on all the hillariities from the night before.

If your planning on having a family, grab every excuse you can to go out with your friends and have girls nights in.

[Roughquest]

Dear Isharp - YOU sound just like my other half - I am having an extremely difficult time in getting him to trust me, I am battling with him to let me go out with my g/f for an evening, his issue is with night clubs - to him people go there to pull - end of. What do you suggest I tell him to make him feel more secure in the knowledge I wont run off with the next man I see - your advice would be most welcome - as long as its "simple, dont go out, stay at home with him" - then everyone is happy - as the saying goes "If you love something let it go, if it comes back its yours, if it doesnt it was never yours to begin with".
I wish you luck - the relationship you are in is only going one way - down, you will push your b/f away, its only a matter of time - STOP SMOTHERING AND SUFFOCATING HIM NOW.

[nuoyg]

Hello : )
Sounds like the average well balanced twenty something relationship to my mind.

I've been with my chappy 5 years and we have a mortgage blah blah and this morning I merrily waved him off to a music festival with his mates - he'll be back Monday. I'll do my own thing in the meantime quite cheerfully. We often have nights out within a group of friends, just the two of us, or separately. A bit of everything. Keeps it all fresh.

You mention you're 26 and you've been there and done that which I don't doubt, but 26 is still young and if he isn't yet 30 then that's still young too...Someone will only alter if they want to and the more a person tries to change them the more they'll be met with resistance. I've been in a relationship where I felt smothered and it was really suffocating, it didn't last because I felt this way.

You mentioned you're insecure...have you looked into this? I think if you were a little more secure you wouldn't feel this way.
Nuoyg.

[taperface]

If insecurity makes you come over as jealous and clingy, your relationship doesn't sound as though it'll be a lasting one. No matter how in love you are with a person, you both need time apart, as friends are for a lifetime, but partners not necessarily so. Being with someone 24/7 is unreasonable - not to mention boring. Having something new to chat and laugh about keeps you being an interesting person, but the whole key issue to this is trust. If you don't trust your partner, then you either have issues that need resolving - or it's a waste of time.

[helster]

I always like to take my partner on a night out and he does too. I think some people get funny about people bringing along their partners when they don't actually get on with theirs... X

[joko]

so, you needed a group of strangers to tell you to talk to him...? you couldn't figure that out yourself?
I think most of us assumed that to be at this stage of asking us, you had talked to him many times about it!

now it seems you haven't even discussed it! well that just says it all!

he had a life before you, and just because he has chosen to allow you to become part of his life does not mean you replace his old life - you add to it.
you do not own him, or control him, he is a human being, one person and is allowed to spend his time as he wants - not to suit all these bizarre rules and regulations and time limits etc that you seem to have set on yourself and are now trying to inflict on him.
remember - your way of thinking and beliefs of how things should be are YOURS not his - he has all his own ideas and ways
the trick to succes is to meld them together so you are both happy - not just expect him to abandon all of his and adopt all of yours.
one of the biggest causes of relationship failure is control freakery - in all it many guises.
you need to address your own issues before expect him to change his life to make so you don't have to deal with them.

besides, why can't you do both? sometimes mixed sometimes not? thats what most couples do.
why doe sit have to be one or the other?

[caramel22]

I feel this way too to some degree. I dont mind my boyfriend going down the pub with the lads but really wouldnt want him to go out clubbin without me. He feels the same though and wouldnt want me going clubbin without him. I've been so drunk on nights out when i was younger (im now 25) that i've not remembered what i've done or i have done things i wouldnt do when sober, so the thought of him going out getting drunk and not being in control of his actions really worries me. does anyone else worry that bout alcohol or do you trust partner to be faithful no matter how drunk they were?

[4getmenot]

trust mine 100%. Whatever happened to someone actually being just that SomeONE and not counting themselves as 2 people