ChatterBank0 min ago
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8 Answers
She aborted last week. I went to see her after. Physically she looked fine, a little pale & vulnerable but she seemed fine. Ive told her to call me if she needs to chat or anything at all.
I cant stop thinking that I did it all wrong, went she txt me that the abortion was done I felt like bursting into tears, why am I so incapable of holding her, apologising for my cowardness?? She's a strong little thing & says she's fine but i know that the 2 days i vanished, she thought I had done something stupid & spent time worrying about me, so I dont think she would tell me how she's feeling anyway.
Im expecting to get a lot of abusive answers but im in massive turmoil.
Everything Ive read up is for couples & we're just mates & I definetely dont want to cross that boundary again by saying or doing something innappropriate.
Thanks for your answers
I cant stop thinking that I did it all wrong, went she txt me that the abortion was done I felt like bursting into tears, why am I so incapable of holding her, apologising for my cowardness?? She's a strong little thing & says she's fine but i know that the 2 days i vanished, she thought I had done something stupid & spent time worrying about me, so I dont think she would tell me how she's feeling anyway.
Im expecting to get a lot of abusive answers but im in massive turmoil.
Everything Ive read up is for couples & we're just mates & I definetely dont want to cross that boundary again by saying or doing something innappropriate.
Thanks for your answers
Answers
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I imagine many many men have been in your situation before. You seem to have a good understanding of how completely horrible this was for her. She thought you and her had a future, hence the sex. She wanted the baby, but knowing you didn't, aborted it. She will never forget this and never forgive herself for it. I know you feel bad and I get the impression that maybe this episode has made you grow up from a boy to a man.
My suggestion is that in future you understand this: sex is called lovemaking for a reason. Women read far more into a kiss, let alone sex, than men do. For her it was a big deal. Can you blame her for assuming you were into her?! Why not wait until you are in love before you next have sex. This way it will mean something and won't be the end of the world if pregnancy does occur. Women tend not to treat sex lightly as men do- understand this. And needless to say, if you don't want to be a Dad yet, use a condom.
You have acted like an arse, but it is refreshing that you actually realise this- so many men don't. Put it down to experience. Try and be a good friend to her. Explain to her how you feel- like you have done on here. And don't do it again!!
My suggestion is that in future you understand this: sex is called lovemaking for a reason. Women read far more into a kiss, let alone sex, than men do. For her it was a big deal. Can you blame her for assuming you were into her?! Why not wait until you are in love before you next have sex. This way it will mean something and won't be the end of the world if pregnancy does occur. Women tend not to treat sex lightly as men do- understand this. And needless to say, if you don't want to be a Dad yet, use a condom.
You have acted like an arse, but it is refreshing that you actually realise this- so many men don't. Put it down to experience. Try and be a good friend to her. Explain to her how you feel- like you have done on here. And don't do it again!!
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For me it's your last paragraph that made me think hard before answering.
Scarlett is dead right - girls read so much more into sex (and all things sexual) than guys do.
It's going to be very hard to offer your support without her getting the 'wrong idea'. You need to be careful. You've already crossed the line on this, so even if you don't sleep with her/kiss her again, you need to be careful that she doesn't get the wrong impression from the things that you do from now on.
You have so far done absolutely the right thing. Not in terms of your initial reaction to her news, but anyone can be forgiven for that - and your heart seems to me to be in the right place.
You need to be there for her - if she talks to you, you need to give her time to tell you how she's feeling.
May be an idea to show her this question? You seem to have articulated your feelings very clearly, which is sometimes hard to do when you talk to people face to face.
Scarlett is dead right - girls read so much more into sex (and all things sexual) than guys do.
It's going to be very hard to offer your support without her getting the 'wrong idea'. You need to be careful. You've already crossed the line on this, so even if you don't sleep with her/kiss her again, you need to be careful that she doesn't get the wrong impression from the things that you do from now on.
You have so far done absolutely the right thing. Not in terms of your initial reaction to her news, but anyone can be forgiven for that - and your heart seems to me to be in the right place.
You need to be there for her - if she talks to you, you need to give her time to tell you how she's feeling.
May be an idea to show her this question? You seem to have articulated your feelings very clearly, which is sometimes hard to do when you talk to people face to face.
-- answer removed --
hey billyray,
what you have posted started off as someone who already knew that they had made two mistakes, one was having no protection and two was (turning your back on the world) turning your phone off .
If you feel this bad, and you and the girlfriend in question are still talking ,then I think that maybe you are both adults now as you sound very young.
Greet adulthood and learn from your mistakes xxxxxxxxxxx
My very best wishes to you both xx
what you have posted started off as someone who already knew that they had made two mistakes, one was having no protection and two was (turning your back on the world) turning your phone off .
If you feel this bad, and you and the girlfriend in question are still talking ,then I think that maybe you are both adults now as you sound very young.
Greet adulthood and learn from your mistakes xxxxxxxxxxx
My very best wishes to you both xx
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