bowling club dinner

[bobtheturkey]

as you might know its my bowling club dinner on friday night and i am quite nervous as this will be the first time i have gone out to anything bar bowls matches and bingo in quite some time, i am accompanying a delightful lady called myrtle shufflebottom and i was wondering do you have any dinner tips as regards etiquette etc? myrtle is quite a large lady in the region of 34 stone i believe so should i make allowances for her? also i now drive a citroen 2cv having sold my cortina so will escorting in this small vehicle be a problem? do i say anything if she tears into the 5th whole chicken on the night and do i invite her in for coffee and pray she doesnt want to get frisky? will my cardigan be too warm and will the sweat stains on my brown shirt be noticable if i remove it?
hope you can reassure me

regards bob

[unrulyjulie]

yeah,even i knew that hellibobs! ;-)

[helliebobs]

shut up bob, you can't charm your way out of this one, I'm not one of your dumb cretinous bowling lady chums you know.

[unrulyjulie]

im appreciate ya loads helli, now as for that bob!!!! Hmmmmmmmmmmm! lol

[cazzz1975]

I know helliebobs, me too, Im used to it now...

I give awesome advice

[bobtheturkey]

we have a match tomorrow night we are playing the donegal destroyers

[Katie~77]

Awww I wish I was one of Bob's dumb cretinous bowling lady chums.x :-)

[bobtheturkey]

come along katie you might enjoy it have you ever played bowls?

[Katie~77]

No I haven't. Will you teach me please???x

[bobtheturkey]

3 basic stances are fixed semi fixed and athletic the fixed is where you dont move your body as you play the bowl the athletic is you release the bowl and move at same time and the semi is in between the other 2

[Katie~77]

I think I might be able to manage that.x

[jodie73]

Hi Katie! Hi Bob! I'm bowls champ where i live!

[bobtheturkey]

hi jodie

[sandrajo]

bowls, is that the game where the little ball has to get nearest the white ball or summit like that....and they wear white clothes, or am I thinking of something else????

[jodie73]

Myrtle sounds like an absolute stunner! You've gotta invite her for coffee afterwards.

[zig_zag]

im pizzed off talking to a wall(wardy the sheepshagger) now ,so ...myrtle shufflebottom sounds a delightful woman
should fit into a 2cv quite comfotably as long as you dont get in too,the sweat stains your my brown shirt may run into your purple and brown underpants so have a box of omo on the ready
if shes plays for the local ladies cricket club,watch youre stumps mate

[Floella]

Hi Bob

I feel I should warn you that Bowls Club events are not as mundane or safe as you might think. Mr Flo attended his annual presentation ldinner ast Friday night.
After a few too many shandies a couple of the younger members *in their 50's* got into a spat and ended up in the car park scrapping. The local constabulary were called, and upon arrival arrested the two poor innocents who were standing in the car park smoking. The two who were originally fighting had scarpered leaving the poor old 80 year old smokers to face the music.
So not all bowls "do's" are the staid affairs you might expect.
Be prepared, and warn Myrtle it might be an eventful night.
Hope you enjoy yourself, and if Myrtle is a real woman she'll appreciate a whiff of manliness emitting from your pits.