more jokes

[JonnyBoy12]

What is the difference between a bathroom in the bedroom and a blonded nymphomaniac in the bedroom?

One is en-suite and the other is on heat!


Why did the Irishman leave his job at the casino?

He didn't like the taste of the chips!


How did the Irishman feed his piranhas?

He jumped in!


Why is urine green and semen white?


So an Irishman call tell whether he is coming or going!

Did you hear about the Irishman who invented an ejector seat for a helicopter?

Well, he also invented a solar powered torch!


What does it say on the inside of an Irish coffin?

"Danger of death - Keep out"


What does it say on the top of an Irish ladder?

Stop!


Why did the Irishman throw away his alarm clock?

It kept going off when he was asleep!


Paddy met Murphy in the street one morning, and greeting him in his usual cheery maner said,

"Morning, Murphy, did you sleep well last night?"

"I don't know, Paddy," he replied "I was asleep at the time".

[spottychops]

do u think u should stop now? no-on is laughing. just trying to work out why u think u r funny. mind u i`m not funny either with my spots at the moment, everyone laughs at me

[JonnyBoy12]

Well, look who's had a sense of humour bypass then? If you don't laugh at jokes then you shouldn't look at them then! By the way people do think I am funny, to see this just look at the other comments made by the people with a sense of humour. If anyone else has any better jokes than these then they should put them on.

[MrBen5]

Hmmm, I think some of them are funny, especially the solar powered torch one...

[JonnyBoy12]

Thank you MrBen5. I am glad you think some of them are funny. Will let someone else do some jokes for now though, as I try to think of some new ones. Make some of them up myself, but not all of them. Have not put this one on yet:

Why did the Irishman log on to Answer Bank?

Because he wanted to see funny original jokes!

Only kidding folks, keep them coming, life is too short to be miserable!

[MrBen5]

Keep them coming jonnyboy. just becuase people dont reply and say they are good, doesnt mean people dont think so.
If you take on average 500+ AB's reading these on here and only 1 complaint, thats a very low percentage.
As with anything, if you get more complaints than compliments , you know they are good.
People generally only criticise...

[Avatar]

If you've only just heard the Solar powered torch one you must be either extremely young or led a very sheltered life.
And I find these jokes very offensive towards Irish people, if it was any other nation it would be called racism.

p.s. Does anyone want to buy a luminous sundial?

[D143237G]

They say there is nothing new under the sun. Well these jokes certainly prove it. I felt I was back in the 1980s watching Jimmy Cricket on a saturday night.

By the way if your urine is green I suggest you take some medical advice.

[spottychops]

my jokes are even worse, hence no posts! a really good joke gets eveyone laughing, not just u and your mate(S?)

[squarebear]

A solar powered torch isn't such a strange idea.
http://www.unlimited-power.co.uk/Solar_Powered _Torch.html
It charges up during the day so you can use it at night.

[MrBen5]

Hmmm, i laugh at everything and everyone.
Whether they are old or new, i will still laugh.
Its like the Simpsons, i have watched probably most episodes, but i still laugh when i watch them again.
p.s. I have a chocolate firegaurd if anyone is interested...

[JonnyBoy12]

O.K. Hands up they are not all mine and the solar powered torch is an old one. However, you can't say they are all repeats as some I have made up. Most of the Batty Book titles are my own invention. Will have to think up some more now. No offence against the Irish it is just that they are the easiest joke to remember. Anyone else got any better ones. See also bee jokes earlier.

[phizzy]

well avatar if your 'luminous sundial is anything like mine it's a complete waste of tiime - every time i shine my torch on it the time changes - the one i had previously used to gain almost an hour every day !