Sad and aimless

[geordie_minx]

My mum died suddenly and unexpectedly last weekend. I have been in Newcastle with my family for a week and came home yesterday. Now I can't motivate myself for anything. I have two kids who need me to be strong, but I don't want to be. I went shopping yesterday for some food, but just didn't want to be around people, so got nothing useful. I'm already on medication for depression, and have an appointment with my doctor on Thursday. However, I need to go to work tomorrow and I don't know if I can face it. Does anyone have any advice that would make things a bit more bearable for me, and maybe motivate myself to at least get out to make sure I at least have food in the house for the kids.

[Drisgirl]

I am so sorry for your loss.I am currently caring for my children who lost their dad in an accident 6 weeks ago so I do have an idea in a way how you are feeling through my children.
I agree with one poster who said about the stages of grief -perhaps you are still in such a state of shock that although you feel you have accepted it you may be surpised at the emotions which will gradually be released over the coming weeks.I hope you get on fine at work but perhaps P/T might have been a better idea.Everyone is different however and as I dont know you it may be the best thing for you.
Agree with someone else re shopping -just go at the quietest times -even later at night if you have a 24hr store -just for the first few outings as I know from recent and on going experience I get stopped by people every time I shop and its difficult while everything is still raw -it does get easier though and you just have your stock replies.
My heart goes out to you - you will find solace with your children -i'm positive in that xxx

[VillageVicar]

Cruella: I am sorry to hear of the loss of your mother. I know this is a challenging time for you. The journey we take in the mourning process is understandably emotional and the act of returning to an active society can be the first of many difficult steps.

Each of us mourns in different ways. As for myself, I need the quiet and solitude, where my senses are not interrupted and I�m allowed to take this journey in my own pace. Others may prefer to have the strength of family and friends to help them move ahead. Whilst I would say there is no right or wrong way to move through the mourning process, I have often experienced those who simply choose to deny what has happened. They become stoic, determined to show others how strong they are and that they�re capable of dealing with anything that may happen to them.

Sadly, however, it is in those people that I often find they have never actually begun the mourning process. All their stoicism and bravery ends up collapsing, often in some monumental way, which ultimately affects their family and friends. The depression you are experiencing is real. It has a medical term called �Bereavement Depression.� Unfortunately, in our western society, we use the word �depression� too often to tag a variety of symptoms. In this case, your emotions are valid.

Perhaps you might wish to reflect upon what you believe your mother would have wanted; whether you feel you can achieve anything positive by further staying at home, and perhaps thinking about some of your work colleagues and whether you might find benefit in having them near.

Please do not feel you are alone. Use this site to ask any questions you may have. I�m certain a number of us will be there for you.

You remain in my thoughts and prayers.

Fr. Bill

[VillageVicar]

Geordie: Please accept my apologies: I addressed you incorrectly. I've typed this response several times and have been unable to get the message to post. Again, my apologies.

You remain in my thoughts and prayers

Fr Bill

[Kleiber]

Geordie, love, you have my deepest sympathy and I agree wholeheartedly with what everyone else has said. Take comfort in your children - they are our future and they will keep you strong. If you're feeling down, you know you can always come on here & you'll get friendship and support.
Drisgirl - I feel for you, too - I've been there.
Love to all who've been bereaved. K xxx

[lindapinda]

Sorry to hear your bad news geordie-minx. You said you were going to ask your manager if people could be upbeat around you? I worked with a lady whose husband died suddenly of a heart attack,and she actually asked our supervisor if people would not offer sympathy at all.She said she knew that that's what her colleagues would feel like and would want to do,but,she felt she wouldn't be able to cope with the sympathy without completely breaking down. We did what she wanted and just chatted to her as usual.She was able to get back into society in a way she felt comfortable with,and gave her a bit of normality in the middle of her awful grief. Dealing with grief is very personal,and,everyone can only get through it as best they can,and in the way they feel most comfortable with.