Friendly crush

[4GS]

Hi gang
On Saturday night, during a drunken conversation I was told by a friend that I have known for just over 10 years that she has had a major crush on me and has fancied me from the day we met. This made me feel really uncomfortable for the following reasons;
1) I am very happily married and would never consider seeing this friend as anything other than a friend

2) I thought I could tell if a girl was interested in me, so my body language reading skills need to be updated

Two questions
Have you ever been in this situation, if yes, how did you deal with it?

Can a man and woman really ever be just friends without one of them wanting to take the relationship further?

TIA

[redcrx]

yes a man and woman can be friends, I have plenty of male friends and theres never been anything physical between us.

If shes been a friend for so long then try and take some comfort from the fact that you havnt realised her feelings because shes not be obvious. She hasnt stalked you or pestered you or do anything but admire you from afar.

Who knows why she chose to tell you but as you are such good friends you must be able to talk it through and move on surely?

[4getmenot]

No :-( I guess they''ve always done something about it and told me at the beginning

[China Doll]

1) Yep. Annoying innit?!

2) I sha99ed them senseless... Kidding! I explained (tactfully) I hoped when they told me that I'd never looked at them that way and never would and that I hoped we could still be friends. We still are (although I flirt less!)

Also done it the other way round, I had a friend who I fancied who sort of fancied me too but he didn't want to take it further so we had a chat and I was disapointed at the time and a bit upset but I'm so glad we didn't get together now, it would have ended so messily and this way we are both still really good friends.

[4GS]

We were both drunk red alcohol tends toi loosen tongues and she said she had a confession and blurted out the horrible truth. We were both at the rememerance day parade the next day, and she looked so sheepish, and, to tell the truth, I felt uncomfortable as well.

Another mutual friend (male) said in passing a few years ago that he thought this girl was carrting a torch for me, but I thought he was having a laff

[China Doll]

Well is she a good friend? Is it worth hanging on to? Because if so then you have to bite the bullet and have the 'I like you but it's never going to happen conversation.' Then leave the ball in her court to see if she wishes to continue the friendship, (it may be that she feels to embarassed to). It may be that while she's never admitted it to you she always had hope but it could be that when you say there is no hope it might also be too painful for her to continue the friendship.

If it's more of an acquaintence type thing then it might just be best to avoide the whole thing, give it a couple of months and brush it under the carpet. I'm a great believer in not making mountains out of mole hills.

[4GS]

Yeah China, she's a really good friend, and I did say pretty much as you suggested, and she did look very embarassed the next day and she said that "about last night" thing, I pretended that I was so drunk, noisy pub etc that I couldn't remember what we were talking about and left it there.

[redcrx]

best to pretend you dont remember then. But if she does it again then time to rethink your friendship maybe

[MatydaLover]

I've fancied CEE like I've never fancied anything else. I've wanted her since the first day I saw her. Fifteen years ago. But it's one-way, and she's still the best friend a fellow could wish for.

[China Doll]

Ah see that's not the way forward William if she's a good freind and you want to continue the friendship, you need to address it not bury your head in the sand.

She's basically carried a torch for you for tens years, that's more than having 'a major torch' for someone and you know it. You need the sit down, 'sorry but it isn't going to happen' chat. Well in my opinion anway.

But yes, it is possible for a man and a woman to be just friends without wanting to take it any further. I've had a very close male friend for the best part of ten years now with no hanky panky.

[4GS]

You're probably right me old China, but I don't want her to feel alienated, or cause her any more embarassment, but I reckon I need to do the "we need to talk" thing and hope we can still be great mates

I blame Mrs 4GS for this, her radar is normally 100% but it seens like Viv slipped through,